We need to talk about Kevin...
Dear Kevin Pietersen

Re: warm up game against Bangladesh.

Where did it all go wrong? You promised so much and have on so many occasions failed to live up to the hype, swagger and bluster. Was it when you married that bird from Liberty X? Maybe, Sampson-like, the seeds were sown when you cut your hair. I feel it may have something to do with the gallons of energy drink you seem insistent on throwing down your neck before going out to bat. It doesn't help, Kevin, really it doesn't.

I've forgiven you a lot, the cliche laden interviews, the god-awful "three lions" tattoo, the well meaning, but ultimately misplaced chest-beating patriotism that you have shown to your adopted country, but no more. Being an England cricket fan comes with a life long expectancy of disappointment and self loathing but I can't in all concience keep this in any longer.

Please find enclosed directions to the nearest glue factory. If you could report there at your earliest convience to be boiled down, I think it would be for the best. Apparently, reality TV is very lucrative these days, ask your wife.

All the best for your future career

Rak x
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 8:33, 4 replies)

The problem is, these days
he's basically not Saffer enough. God, he was only born and grew up there. These days you need at least a couple of South Africa U21 or "A" appearances to make the grade for England.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 10:10, closed)

He's gone right off the boil
I think his head's swollen up so big he can't see the ball anymore.
(Lizard King, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 10:35, closed)

Possibly
But I'm prepared to forgive him quite a lot after his 158 on the last day of the 2003 ashes, without which we would have been in all sorts of trouble.
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:18, closed)

To be fair on Kev
He is coming back from an achilles injury. That is the hardest injury to come back from, as a batsman. I think it was Mark Taylor who said it took him a year to feel right at the crease again after his.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:35, closed)