Phone/Jack/Errr....
I used to work with a chap called Phil, who seemed unable to go for more than two seconds without spouting a blatant lie. It was bizarre, as if it was his language. I wasn't too bothered by it, happy to ignore the porkies and let him live in his fantasy world. My friend though, let's call her Clare, loathed Phil with a passion and took great pleasure in popping his bullshit-bubbles. Two examples off the top of my head;

1: Phil was pacing around reception, involved in deep conversation on his mobile. He was negotiating a major DJ gig with a top club. We knew Phil had played a few sets before, but these were mainly mobile discos at birthday parties. This phonecall, on the other hand, sounded like a big-money deal supporting Pete Tong at Cream. Phil was negotiating hard, telling the man on the phone exactly what he wanted. He sounded very impressive, barking his list of demands into his phone.

Then his phone rang. Out loud. In his ear.

It was Clare in the next room, who was surprised to find that she got straight through to his mobile, almost as if there wasn't actually anyone on the line. Phil tried to recover this, answering the call, snarling "Hello Clare", then hanging up and continuing the conversation with the mystery promoter. Sadly, it had lost a bit of shine by then.

2: Clare and I were talking when an excited Phil burst in. "Oh my god, I just had the best weekend!" he beamed. "You know the Comedy Store in London? I did a stand-up set there on Saturday night, and it was brilliant! They want me back next week!"
Naturally, we were impressed. "Go on then" I said, "Let's hear some of your jokes!"
"Right" he said, composing himself, "I'm obsessed with celebrity magazines. Hello, OK, I love them all, can't put them down. I was just reading one today..."
Before he had a chance to continue, Clare interrupted.
"That's Jack Dee's routine! He did it on TV on Sunday night!"
Disappointingly, Phil's pathalogical lying didn't stretch as far as accusing Jack Dee of obviously seeing his act and stealing it, instead choosing to look sheepish and skulk off.
(costas, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 11:52, 1 reply)

Re: Ripped off comedy routines
On my one (and so far only) visit to the local comedy club I encountered such a plagiarist.

Everything he uttered, and I mean *everything* had been on some comedy show or other over the previous week.

"Well the other day I blah, blah, blah"

That was on 'Mind My Trousers' the other night.

"Ahahaha, you heard it eh? Well what about XYZ"

Fuck off. I heard that on 'The Comedy Bicycle Show' just last night!

And so forth.

He was booed off the stage halfway through his act.

He must have reckoned that us yokels wouldn't have cable tv and wouldn't know that he'd nicked every single joke, the cunt.
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 12:26, closed)