Biggest wanker of the year award
Knew a bloke in Mainframe software sales some years ago that seriously couldn't lie straight in bed. Most people had to re-read his business card just to make sure he was giving the right name - we all know this sort of wanker. Anyhoo, enough of the prologue, to the story (one of many, I assure you):

Said salesman was based in Sydney and was in Melbourne meeting a new prospect ('twas this very prospect that became a client of mine some years later who regaled me with this opus).

Within 15 minutes of meeting said prospect, he was already espousing the joys of owning a bright red Ferrari (could he have been any more cliche?), and promptly invited said prospect to a ride in his chariot if he ever came up to Sydney. As this was in the days of a $700 return flight and prospect was a "lowly" person in the scheme of things, our intrepid future politician thought he would never have to come through with the "ride of a lifetime".

Unbeknown-st to our BWOTY, the chap had a brother in the prestige used car market in Sydney and regularly invited him up to Sydney to help out - a fact not provided to our chump. So, a week goes by and our Melbournian friend calls the Sydney salesman with his flight details and asks for a life from the airport in his Ferrari.

This, dear reader, is where the true liars come into their own, with bullshit, bravado and sheer front!

BWOTY picks up our friend from Sydney airport in a much lived in and well-used Commodore (Vauxhall VXR8, but much, much lower rent - for our Northern friends). As our erstwhile storyteller gets into the car and asks "innocently": "Where is the Ferrari, mate?", our hero responds with the following classic:

"Mate, you wouldn't believe it, some unthinking bastard ran into me just yesterday and I had to take it to the Smash repairers to get fixed, and all they had as a loaner was this piece of shit!"

Not to be put off, our friend lets the line out to see how far this fish will go with:

"Bugger, was really looking forward to seeing the car... hey, can we go to the Smash repairers and see the car, I've never sat in one and would really love to"... quick as a flash, our mate comes back with: "Yep, no problems, I'll have to call to arrange it with them, so I'll pick you up from your hotel tomorrow and we will go then".

{Fade to black, scene moves to front of hotel the next morning as the Commodore rolls up to pick up our guest and take him to the Smash repairers}

Visitor: "So, how far to the Smash repairers?"
BWOTY: "Mate, you're not going to believe this, but the Smash repairers burnt down last night & my car has been destroyed! Worse than that though, they didn't have any insurance, so I'm going to keep this bloody car"

Bloody good swap, I would have thought - $220,000 for a Ferrari, $2,000 for a bomb Commodore - yup, this guys was a genius! So, dear reader, when met with a liar - pathological, you had better be prepared, as they will weave an alternative world better than any concocted by Mr Tolkien!
(AusMark, Wed 5 Dec 2007, 2:44, Reply)