Geppetto was never the same....
After I had finished doing all my chores for the day I decided that I would relax with a cool beer in the garden and listen to some Marilyn Manson.

Unfortunately Geppetto returned early that day and came out to the garden just as I was finishing my cigarette, so I threw the empty can and the butt over the hedge.

He walked over to me, looked me in the eye and asked if I had been drinking and smoking while I boldly said I hadn't.

On the ride to the hospital it turns out my nose had managed to break three ribs and cause severe internal bleeding of the large intestine. One of the female paramedics was totally checking me out and we chatted about the need to creosote every five years.

Later that day Geppetto's missus, Florence, arrives at the hospital, unfortunately she is just in time to catch me in a rather compromising position with the female paramedic. Flo yells at me what the hell do I think I am doing so I reply "Walking the dog, what do you think" That was enough to finish the paramedic off, so while she was catching her breath I went outside for a smoke.

Length? About 2 foot if I have been liberal with the truth
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 5 Dec 2007, 10:15, Reply)