Quite embarassing, really
I was buying some dog food a couple of years ago, and while I was putting the tins on the conveyor, I accidentally dropped one on the girl at the till behind me's foot.

It clearly really hurt - her face went red, she gave a hiss of pain and grabbed her foot "Christ I'm so sorry!" I said immediately, "I'm so so sorry are you OK?"

It was just bruised, and after massaging it a little she tentatively put some weight on it, and all was well.

"To make up for it, why don't you come 'round to my house for a drink?" I suggested. "You can meet my dog - do you like dogs?"

She said she did, and that evening came over at about seven.

I was wearing my black silk kimono with the dragon on the back, and listening to Richard Clayderman on my CD stereo.

"Come in" I said suavely, as the doorbell rung, opening the door smoothly, "Let me pour you a martini, or are you more of a Babycham girl?" I enquired.

"Babycham please" she said.

Taking my original Babycham glasses, I poured us both a drink, and we sat down easily on my couch.

"So" she enquired, smiling, "Where's your dog?"

"Er ... I don't actually have a dog." I lied.

"Oh." she said, rather put out. "You told me you did ... I was looking forward to meeting him."

"No" I said, "No dogs here, I'm afraid!"

"But how come there's a dog collar and lead hanging up on your kitchen door?" she said.

"Oh - they're for a friend's dog" I said.

Every time she comes 'round now, I have to hide the dog!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:45, 7 replies)

Man, if you want to dress up in a dog costume and have Jeff fuck you, that's your business, and it's not our place to judge you.
You sick furry freakazoid.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:50, closed)

I like how you next-leveled that.

( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Wed 14 Mar 2012, 0:13, closed)

There's no need to hide the dog.
3 reasons.

1. You don't have a dog.
2. You don't have a dog.
(username failed moderation, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 11:21, closed)

I totally have a dog.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 12:30, closed)

That goes all
funny when you give it catnip.
(username failed moderation, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 14:10, closed)

I love all these funny posts, this is why b3ta is a comedy website!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 13:45, closed)

Easy women on aisle 3.

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 18:16, closed)