It was December 1978, I was 5
and it was the day of my first school Christmas party. The teacher asked the children to contribute to the food and bring it in that morning. Some girls brought in fairy buns, some brought crisps, some brought bottles of pop and some brought biscuits, myself included. A packet of chocolate digestives.

It was dead exciting, after lunch I got back to school and all the desks were laid out with plates of food. After a pantomime performed by the sixth form from the local senior school, we went back to class and started on the food and pop.

The teacher, Miss Simpson came round with a plate of meat-paste sandwiches. Now, I didn't like crusts. I could manage the bottom crust, but I didn't like the top, darker crust from the loaf at all. I reached for a light-crust sandwich but she handed me one with the dark crust.
"I was going to get that one there" I said
"Well you've got that one now" she said a bit too snappy for my liking. I ate as much as I could, leaving a thin sliver of very dark crust before leaving it on the side of my plate, and asked for another.
"You haven't finished that one" she replied.
"I have, I don't like the crust"
"Don't be such a baby" she snapped, "Here, give me it here, I'll put it in the bin"
That kinda took the edge off the day. When I got home, I told my mum.
"tsk, the miserable sod. It's nearly Christmas as well. Did you eat those biscuits?"
"No, I don't think she put them out" I said.
"You should've asked for them back" my mum said.

So the next day just before registration, I went up to the teacher's desk and with all sincerity said
"Miss, because we didn't have those chocolate biscuits I brought yesterday, me mam says can we have 'em back?".
She gave an exasperated sigh, and without saying a word opened her desk drawer, took them out and handed them to me. I went home for my lunch and gave them to my mum, who was somewhat surprised.
"I was only joking!" she exclaimed. "Good anyway, she can buy her own bloody biscuits"

me: 1
Miss Simpson: 0

Just after Christmas, I was back at school with a bit of a cold and she caught it off me. Which was good.

me: 2
Miss Simpson: 0
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 9:34, Reply)