Peterborough - bush shelter nutter
There's Nobby who's lived in a local bus-shelter for about ten years (think of an anorexic Hagrid after a particularly long bout of explosive diahorrea). He smells so bad that the bus company gave him the bus shelter to live in and built a replacement bus-stop a few yards down the road so that bus-users could queue in fresh air. Nobby's bus shelter is packed full of duvets, sleeping bags, carrier bags, suitcases and myriad other item-conveying articles (no shopping baskets or trolleys though).
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Every Christmas Day the local residents pop around to give him Christmas dinner; Xmas Pud, crackers, the lot. He's often seen wandering around the town centre with a tinselly paper hat on well after Boxing Day. The local council & police force are so sick of trying to force him to move on that they just ignore him now.
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The local paper once convinced him to have a wash, shave off his massive, matted beard and get a half-decent haircut (I pity the poor bastard who got lumbered with cropping that lice infested matted rat's nest of a hairstyle) and then dressed him in Pringle stuff and made up a story about him playing in the Open Golf Tournament at St Andrews (cue big fuck off front-page photo of Nobby swinging a 4 iron, his empty four-packs of Tennant's Extra & 20,000 carrier bags conveniently cropped out of the shot) .
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I've seen him wander around town collecting cigarette butts and yowling like a Tasmanian Devil at the top of his voice at anyone who walks within 20 feet of him.
(bez_lightyear, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 16:04, Reply)