This happened yesterday in fact
It’s not often that anything amusing happens on a Southeastern train, unless you have a penchant for spending £400 a month in exchange for broken toilets, frequent delays and overcrowding.

Last night however, my journey was brightened considerably by the sight of a merry gentleman attempting to disembark from the train. When I say “merry”, what I actually mean is “mindlessly pissed to the point of losing control of one’s bladder and bowels”.

From the relative comfort (sic) of my seat, I watched the merry gent stagger off the train, before he stopped on the platform to squint awkwardly, with one eye closed at the information screen in front of him. At the third attempt, he managed to roll his sleeve to the point where he could look at his watch, but it was painfully obvious that he was unable to make sense of what it was telling him.

With that, he shambled towards the train parked at the opposite platform and leaned heavily against the side and tried pressing the button to release the doors, completely oblivious to the scrolling LED sign six inches in front of his face that read “Not In Service”.

After meeting with no success, he turned around once and studied the information screen again before he decided to get back on our train, which at this point was ready to depart the station so all the sliding doors had just locked.

Just as my train pulled out of the station, I saw him turn around in defeat and unzip his fly before he pissed all over the side of the platform’s waiting room.

It was going to be a bad night for him.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 21 Jul 2011, 14:44, Reply)