Apologies
For the completely shameless Pea, from when I was about 15.


My drug paraphernalia
When I got home from a nice kick about in the park one Saturday in the summer, my mum was waiting for me, sat at the table, stern faced with a small item in front of her on the table.

'Sit down, you're father's on his way home. I want to ask first of all is there anything you're doing that you want to tell us about?'

Shit! I'm mentally tallying up everything that I've done as a 15 year old male. It's a bit. Nothing too bad. I'm racking my brains. Drinking? smoking? Weed? Porn!? Shit. I'll bet it's smoking. Fuck. My dad's a vigilant anti smoker...

'Ummm. No. What's up?' I said, eyeing the offending item and taking a seat opposite. Weighing up my options I considered confessing to something and hoping that was it. 'Sorry, but yes most of the phone bill was me looking at smut and wanking into a stupor' didn't seem like a good route to go down... 'let's see how this plays out' I thought.

'I was cleaning your room earlier and found this' She pushed the item towards me, still solemn faced. 'I know you've been smoking drugs, your father and I are both very upset'

Fuck, fuckety-fuck. FUCK! Anything but the weed. Smoking I'll get lectured for, but the weed will see me really fu... Hang on....

'Ermm. What do you think this is mum?'

'It's a hash pipe Scrumpy. I wasn't born yesterday.'

'You mean a kazoo mum....?'

'....... What?'

At this I picked up the 'hash pipe' and walked off, humming 'Crosstown Traffic' (If I was quicker at the time I would have gone for 'Purple Haze').

I heard my dad piss himself about 30 seconds after he came steaming through the front door...
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:30, 2 replies)

similar tale
Get home from school to find mum sitting stern faced at the kitchen table, a large syringe type thing in front of her.
what the hell is this, found it under your bed, what are you up to?
Er mum its from that resin craft kit you bought me for christmas
Gets box, pulls out the other needleless large plastic epoxy resin measuring syringe type thing
oh, right er get on with your homework, what do you want for tea?
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 22:58, closed)

12th fret
Mum found my guitar capo and asked my brother about it. He told her it was mine and that junkies use it to bring up the veins on their arms. He only revealed it's true purpose when she started to cry. What a bastard.
(Omar Goyyid hat drei ecken, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 13:42, closed)