Many years back
I was in a Netto-a-like shop when I saw a good deal. Ten packs of three chocolate bars for a quid. "I'm having those" I thought.
They were about the size of a Penguin/Club/Rocky biscuit and were yummy.

I must've ploughed through maybe 8 of them that afternoon. It was then that Mrs Sandettie pointed out that they were sugar free 'Candarel Bars'. I didn't care. For sugar-free they were rather tasty.

Then my guts started gurgling. Shortly after that, my bowels starting moving. Well, I say moving. It was more like sprinting. I sat on the toilet, passing rusty water from my arse which was so thin it actually sounded like I was taking a piss.

I visited that room 6 times in all. Later that evening, my mate came round and found it most amusing that I had to sit on a rolled up duvet because I had a ringpiece like a brakelight.

Don't OD on sorbitol or aspartame, it'll fuck you over for days.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 15:08, 2 replies)

Silent, shoulder-shaking officelol
Every time I read the warning on a packet of chewing-gum that says "Contains sorbitol. Do not consume more than 20 packs within 24 hours.", I think "Who the fuck chews 20 packs of gum a day?"

Nice to know there's a more direct route to the turboshits.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 15:27, closed)

Other things like Smints
A lot of things that contain artificial sweeteners often carry a health warning; I believe on a packet of Smints there is a warning that eat too many and they "...may induce anal leakage....".

You'd be sat on the bog turning your rusty sherriff's badge inside out and your wife will say "Haven't you got fresh breath!!"
(Barnetboy, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 15:29, closed)