Do I look like a crack dealer?
So a few weeks back I decided to head out to the ill fated Love Parade in Germany.As always the outfit choice for such an auspicious occasion proved a bit of a challenge. I finally decided on a pink t-shirt, camo shorts, a lumo yellow jacket, a pilots hat, large blue sunglasses and a pair of trainers. I looked the fucking business. As you're all probably aware it all went tits up and we ended up getting crushed a bit, witnessed some punch ups and thought the whole thing was getting out of hand. So we left.

So anyways I ended up back in town dressed as a raver with a strong desire to get pissed and forget my afternoon ordeal. So the evening progressed with me and my mates getting deliriously drunk. At some point in the evening I also managed to acquire some expensive looking gold plastic tinfoil type boa. The kind of thing I could imagine Mrs Santa Wearing when she dances for the elves around the North Pole when Mr Santa is out working. Flashing her seductive gash to them while allowing them to cop a feel of her saggy tits while the reindeer hump each other in the snow to the soft tones of Barry Manilow over the Christmas toy factory tannoy.

Anyways somewhere around 4am, pissed out my bracket and looking like a cross between Jordan, coco the clown and an eccentric tramp I wandered into another bar. Propping up the bar while doing my best 'yes, girls you know you want this' face I was approached by some semi-posh looking knob in his suit jacket, jeans and trainers. I say posh because he had looked like he'd spent a few minutes on his hair and he didn't smell.He was a walking fashion disaster, but that's a story for another time me thinks.

So he leans in and asks me something. At this point I should point out that I speak no German so I wasn't quite sure if I was so drunk I couldn't understand or he was in fact speaking German. In my best German I could muster I replied, 'Ich spreche kein Deutsch'.

I could see his brain whirring around for a bit looking for the words to say in English. Then casual as you like shouted over the rather loud music, "HAAAAVE YOUUU GOOOOT AAAANY CRAAACK!?!!??".

Fuck me I thought. So this is what crack dealers look like in Germany. Pink tshirts, camo pants, pilots hats and gold tinsel boa's. It's a wonder the cops haven't rounded them all up and taken them to the showers already. Quite why he thought I looked like a crack dealer I will never know, but it was pretty funny. Thinking back I should have got some cash off him, told him to wait and fucked off home. Hind sight is a beautiful thing.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 19:42, 2 replies)

He probably thought you were on crack, and therefore knew where to get some.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 22 Sep 2010, 23:27, closed)

Still, at least you weren't crushed to death,eh?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 23:51, closed)