The Standby Burgler
This is going back a while, when I used to do Tech Support for a national ISP. I won't bore you with the "types" of customers you get calling in and merely tell you that a good 90% of them are out and out idiots, but most of them are aware of this, are polite about it and will happily listen when you tell them how they broke something themselves. There are, however, a few that are still complete idiots, but couldn't possibly admit to having done anything wrong.

One day, a man phoned in complaining that his connection had dropped AGAIN. "This happens every month!" he exclaimed down the phone to me. Of course, I have the full history of his account in front of me and I can clearly see that he's only phoned in once in the last 6 months to pay a missed bill. Nevertheless, I diagnosed the problem - his modem was on standby.

Now as stupid as that sounds, it was actually quite a common problem. The Modem in question was coloured black. There was a button on top of it that would put it into standby mode - this button was also jet black, so it blended in seamlessly. Even more annoying, the Modem "remembered" that it was in standby, so if you unplugged it and plugged it back in, it would go straight back into standby. It was incredibly easy (And common) for people to accidentally hit this button while tidying up, or rummaging around behind the PC or whatever, then mysteriously loose all internet access. Most people didn't even know the button existed.

I explained this to the gentleman. It normally gives the customer and I both something to laugh about, we then usually agree on how "stupid" a design it is and the customer goes away happy because it was such a simple thing to fix.

But not this time. "Ohh no, that couldn't possibly have happened", he retorts. "The modem isn't in a position where that could EVER happen". I tried to plead with the gentleman, if it wasn't him accidentally doing it, then it could have easily been someone else - the wife, a wayward child, even the family cat. Alas, it was not to be - "No! I wouldn't do something so stupid! It wouldn't have happened, the problem is from YOUR end!". Eventually, I gave up trying to reason with him - he clearly couldn't have made a really simple mistake, so I had to try a different tactic.

I say "Now hold on, where did you say you lived? Was it *checks customer's account to see exactly where he lives* Leeds?". "Yes, that's right" he replies.
"Ohh, well we have had a couple of people report being broken into and having their electronic devices put into standby"
"What?!"
"Yes, there appears to be an individual breaking into people's houses and putting their equipment into standby. He doesn't seem to take anything, but they still call him the standby burgler"
"Oh my God, do you think he's been in my house?!"
"Well now I couldn't say for sure, but it would explain the Modem going into standby all by itself...".
"I can't believe I've been broken into! I'd best call the police!"

And with that, the man hung up. I never heard from him again, so I can only presume that the police laughed at him so hard, he decided never to pretend to not be stupid ever again.
(Kushan just wants to fit in..to your mum, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:35, 2 replies)

I've clicked 'I like this'
..but i fucking love this.

It's almost as good as that German(?) burgler who would break into people's houses and lay carpet in their kitchens. Or have I been had?
(SimianKid internet faffer, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:56, closed)

e decided never to pretend to not be stupid ever again.
*click*
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 11:52, closed)