It was a freezing cold day in the depths of winter.
We were trying to keep the lights to a minimum in the house in case, by some miracle, the baby dropped off. My wife and I must have had ten hours' sleep between us over the past few days, and when we weren't directly roused by the underweight little tyke's cries for food, we were awoken by sudden and crippling anxiety attacks that pulled us out of bed to check that everything was OK.

It was getting late in the afternoon and there was hardly a thing left in the cupboards. Forget any thoughts of a slap-up meal for the festive season; my wife had to eat, the baby had to eat...I had to eat. As I stared morosely out of the window in search of an idea, the realisation struck me with all the warmth and festive cheer of a hearty chorus of carol-singers: Tesco's was still open!
( .Yeti., Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:56, 9 replies)

Mr Dickens, you're going to have to rewrite this a bit. Maybe add a ghost and some social comment?

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 14:45, closed)

So you left the waif in the frozen pizza aisle and fucked off to the pub? Canny.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 14:59, closed)

admit it
you ate the baby.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 15:14, closed)

my wife had to eat, the baby

(Coresink is almost an anagram of foreskin, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 16:13, closed)

Why weren't you feeding your kid?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 16:34, closed)

I think it's a reference
to this: www.b3ta.com/questions/christmastales/post2176131
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 16:37, closed)

Ha
There are some short memories on here. Six replies before it was picked up.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 0:36, closed)

To be fair, to keep track of the dozens of shitcunts on here every week would need some sort of spreadsheet or archive.
And what sort of corpse fiddler would do that?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 9:14, closed)

I know, I know - is it

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 18:30, closed)