Heinz the Bastard
Whilst living in Germany, Missus Hammy decided to adopt Heinz, a ginger tom cat from a couple who were going through a rough patch.
I say a cat, this thing was huge with an attitude as large as he was. On the day we picked him up he took one look at our pooch (a Belgian Shepherd) kicked fuck out of her and preceded to dominate life in our flat.
A few of Heinz's tricks:
Dead birds, mice, small mammals left at the entrance to the flat. All minus heads.
Coming in from an all night jaunt then shitting in the bath tub.
When taking the dog for a walk or walking down town he would follow, blithely crossing busy roads without a care in the world.
Letting small children pet him then after 10 seconds attacking them.
Letting me stroke his belly then after 10 seconds ripping my arms to bits.
Sadly the ginger bastard caught FIV and passed away at a relatively young age of 13. It was such a shame to watch a once arrogant, selfish shithead withdraw into the shell he became.
RIP Heinz, you were a total wanker but we still miss you
(Hammy1801 may have scabies!, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 15:50, 3 replies)

Why would you keep an animal that you hated?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 16:42, closed)

Because she's my mother in law!
Or something.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 16:44, closed)

Because once you make the decision to adopt a pet it should be for life. Also in a kind of masochistic way it was fun.
(Hammy1801 may have scabies!, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 18:58, closed)