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This is a question Morning After Souvenirs

I once woke up in a tent after a particularly drunken holiday pub crawl, clutching a tap. There's a drowned, sunken village somewhere in Wales because of my act of petty theft, but I cannot remember. Tell us what - or who - you've brought back from nights out.

(Suggested by Bicycle Repairman)

(, Thu 26 Apr 2012, 13:44)
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Stained Carpet.
It was the summer after I graduated.

The plan

• To enjoy my last summer holiday before full time work.
• Use the time to prep my portfolio

I had finished work on a saturday, and was chilling out with a cold beer whilst playing some shenmue on the dreamcast.

My old nokia started bleeping, and I reached over and noticed that is was one of the lads from work.

Matt - a hyper intelligent guy was working part time at the game store with me, and was studying some science thing at University - way beyond my capacity.

He was a nice enough guy, although he could talk the hind legs off a donkey - which sometimes got annoying.

Anyhow - he tells me that he and some of the other guys were in a club / bar in town, and wanted to know if I fancied joining them.

I really wasn't keen, I was nearly done with Shenmue - and wasn't really in the mood to go out.

"come on mate, please come - my sister's here, you haven't met her before"


After some back and forth banter, I eventually gave in, threw on some clean clothes and a jacket and shot out the door.

At the time, I had a flat not 10 minutes from the town centre - so getting there was no hassle at all.


Upon my arrival, I instantly clocked Matt's sister - oh hell yes I thought. Athletic build, amazing ass, tits just the right size, brilliant. She clocked me, and by some miracle there was a connection.

We chatted, danced, laughed and had a bloody good time before the two of us swiftly and quietly departed from the club and headed back to my flat.

We were both pretty pissed, but still able to perform, and the two of us writhed around doing the nasty several times until we were both spent.


Eventually, we called it a night, and I sank into a comfortable post sex deep sleep.



What the hell???? I woke up sharply - Matt's sister no where to be seen. I get up, the banging persisting.

In the hallway, Matt's sister is stood butt naked, bathed in light from an outside street lamp, opening and closing my boiler closet door.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"It's the stargate" she said

"Ummmm, not sure what you mean" I responded

Her legs gave way, and she collapsed in a giggling heap on the floor.


Seeing the funny side, I grinned, and picked her up to put her back to bed.

As I started back for the bedroom. I felt water running down my boxers, down my legs, and moisture on the carpet beneath my feet.

She was pissing herself, literally. All over me, all over the carpet, everywhere. And she wasn't stopping.

I darted back for the bathroom, and placed her in the bath. I couldn't believe it. Dirty cow.

I spent an hour scrubbing the carpets - during which time she woke up, cleaned herself up and got back into bed.

Semi-Satisfied that I had cleaned up adequately, I rejoined her, and went back to sleep.

The following morning, she was up before me, and woke me up asking if I could drop her home.

Fair enough I thought, and we chatted quite pleasantly in the car until we reached her flat - both of us knowing full well that as much fun as the sex had been, that we wouldn't be crossing paths again.

I kissed her on the cheek - and headed back home.

When I got in, I realised that where I had been scrubbing, there were now noticeably fluffier areas of carpet scattered around the hallway, with obviously darker hues than other areas.

It looked weird, and everyone always asked what had happened when they visited.

I told them I had spilt a plate of beans on toast and it had gone everywhere.

Moral of the story. Don't fuck your mates sister - it'll leave stains on your carpets.
(, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 14:25, 6 replies)
If this had less line breaks it'd still be shit

(, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 16:21, closed)
So you played
Shenmue on the Dreamcast and met a girl. The two are not connected though.
(, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 19:52, closed)
you describe her as being so awesome
then you dump Miss Awesome for being a bit too drunk? Jesus.
(, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 7:49, closed)
I wish my mates sister would pee on me.
(, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 9:11, closed)
still, at least her tits were just the right size.
swings and roundabouts, eh?
(, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 11:05, closed)
So your souvenir is a lie about having sex?

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:40, closed)

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