My leg seemed to have been bitten ... well - sort of ...
orf.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 13:37, 16 replies)

but it's only waafer thin

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 13:39, closed)

purley squire famous place, say no more!!

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 14:13, closed)

Well I saw your adverts in the paper and I've been on package
tours several times, you see, and I decided that this was for me. Yes I quite agree with you, I mean what's the point of being
treated like a sheep, I mean I'm fed up going abroad and being treated like a sheep, what's the point of being carted around in busses, surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their
transistor radios and their 'Sunday Mirrors', complaining about the tea, 'Oh they don't make it properly here do they not like at home' stopping at Majorcan bodegas, selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel and calamares and two veg and sitting in cotton sun frocks squirting Timothy White's suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh cos they 'overdid it on the first day'!

And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellevueses
and Bontinentals with their international luxury modern roomettes
and their Watney's Red Barrel and their swimming pools full of
fat German businessmen pretending to be acrobats and forming
pyramids and frightening the children and barging in to the queues
and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss your bowl
of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu
of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night there's
bloody cabaret in the bar featuring some tiny emaciated dago
with nine-inch hips and some big fat bloated tart with her hair Brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for
Foreigners.

And then some adenoidal typists from Birmingham with diarrhoea and flabby white legs and hairy bandy-legged wop waiters called Manuel, and then, once a week there's an excursion to the local Roman ruins where you can buy cherryade and melted ice cream andbleedin' Watney's Red Barrel, and then one night they take you to a local restaurant with local color and coloring and they show you there and you sit next to a party of people from Rhyl who keeps singing 'Torremolinos, Torremolinos', and complaining about the food, 'Oh! It's so greasy isn't it?' and then you get cornered by some drunken greengrocer from Luton with an Instamatic and Dr Scholl sandals and Tuesday's 'Daily Express' and he drones on and on about how Mr Smith should be running
this country and how many languages Enoch Powell can speak and then he throws up all over the Cuban Libres.

And sending tinted postcards of places they don't know they haven't even visited, 'to all at number 22, weather wonderful our room is marked with an "X". Wish you were here.'
'Food very greasy but we have managed to find this marvellous little place hidden away in the back streets where you can even get Watney's Red Barrel and cheese and onion crisps and the accordionist plays "Maybe its because I'm a Londoner"' and spending four days on the tarmac at Lutton airport on a five-day package tour with nothing to eat but dried Watney's sandwiches...
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 14:25, closed)

*applause*
A favourite.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 14:38, closed)

me too
I googled it to select a line and thought...why not the whole thing.
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 14:44, closed)

"every Thursday night there's bloody cabaret in the bar featuring some tiny emaciated dago"
is sheer poetry.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 14:47, closed)

I like Eric's delivery... it's amazing
it's a shame he seems to have turned into a bit of cunt in later life

still if you can't be a cunt when your 70 when can you be eh?
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 15:07, closed)

Him and Cleese.
Palin's still nice, Jones is just boring.

Chapman's my favourite these days.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 15:23, closed)

Chapman always was my favourite
by virtue of being as mad as a box of frogs
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 15:26, closed)

I refute your opinion on Jones
The man is marvellous.
(McChinaman banned, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 15:42, closed)

Totally.
I believe he wrote an entire book in the nude once...
There seems to be very little he can't do.
(wolfpussy will nibble your fingers on, Sat 3 Aug 2013, 0:59, closed)

i love this
and, by extension, you
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 15:35, closed)

I love the costa brava.
this gentleman has come to book a holiday and NOTHING ELSE.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sat 3 Aug 2013, 7:18, closed)

Obviously only a flesh wound, else, well, you're rather not British, are you?
(EffinNitWit asks his tobacco where his whisky is, Fri 2 Aug 2013, 16:36, closed)

But you were unconcerned.
Because it'll just sort of grow back, right?
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 3:31, closed)

Well, no, you see, because a virus is, as we doctors say, "Very very small."
So small, in fact, that it couldn't possibly make off with a whole leg.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 8:42, closed)