You want to do what on E?
By posting this some people may be able to identify me as it's one of my favourite stories to reel out but seeing this week’s QOTW, I have to share.

My mother is a highly intelligent woman. I look up to her immensely and wish I could have just a fraction of her brilliance.

However for some reason she gets two turns of phrases hilariously, hilariously wrong.

When talking about the worldwide web and all its wonders, from email to websites and all, she refers to it as being "On the e".
“I was on the e last night and it was brilliant, found some really good stuff.”
“The e’s not working, is it working for you?”
“I sent you an e.”

The absolute best however is when she gets angry. I used to visit her in her office and she would exclaim:
"I'm SO angry at that man! ARGH! He INFURIATES me, the little bastard. Argh, I'm so angry, I could FIST him."

After picking myself up from the floor from laughing too hard imagining her performing this act on a high ranking official in her chosen profession..(I'll just say..legal profession to give you a hint of the hilarity) I always try to correct her:

"Mum.. I'm not sure you mean fisting."
"I do, I really want to...ngggh..” *makes fist..shakes fist*
"No no no.. you don't. Look we've spoken about this before, can you please stop saying fisting?"
"Why? I want to! I want to fist them, you know, punch them. Really hard. Why, what else does it mean?"
".....never mind "

I've found out she says this in front of other people too. I've tried over and over again to make her stop (honest) but without explaining it (not a chance), what can I do?

*snigger*
( MademoiselleDave is drunk and on the internet again on, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:11, 9 replies)

here.
"Mum - open your E program. You know, the Google? Right, you see where it says Settings? Click that. Scroll down to safesearch. Click Do Not Filter My Results. Now go on, type Fisting in, and click Image search."*

* Actual method may vary
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:17, closed)

Or, if you don't want her brain to asplode...
just tell her to google the term "fisting". She can read it without having the images branded into her skull for life.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:19, closed)

Yep - that ought to do it.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:25, closed)

But.. but..
where's the fun in that? what about my poor Mum? She'd be traumatised AND mortified!
( MademoiselleDave is drunk and on the internet again on, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:36, closed)

Ouch!
I tried that with filtering off....

It's a bit eye watering.. and I wish I hadn't seen it now. I've put my settings back and am now looking at some Hornby Trains to take my mind off of it.

Shit! There's a black one shunting into a tunnel.. aaaaggggggghhhhhh!
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:47, closed)

Stop correcting her.
Think of all those poor people who would otherwise miss out on laughing like mongs at her innocent mistake.

Promise to stop correcting her and you can have your well deserved click.
( Moey, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:31, closed)

Take her to see Julian Clary's live show
where he explains fisting.

The way he demonstrates it, you'd think he was operating Rod Hull's Emu.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:17, closed)

Similarly, when my mum takes the dog out she refers to it as "going dogging". There's no way I'm explaining that one to her.
(Cattigan, Sat 13 Feb 2010, 12:55, closed)

Are you sure she needs it explaining?
Do her normal canine perambulations happen to pass through any secluded carparks?

Does she return looking tired and dishevelled but with a healthy glow about her cheeks?
(Rotimer was micturating windward at, Sat 13 Feb 2010, 14:24, closed)