Being a parent is less than it's cracked up to be.
I wasn't intending to go into this, but it seems like a good time to do so: it seems to me that most of the people who want babies so badly that they can't imagine any other way are the ones who watched the Brady Bunch (or similar sitcoms that came later) and played with Barbie and Ken and were good little churchgoing deists. (I don't think it especially applies to one faith.) They bought into the mythos that the formula to happiness is to marry and have kids, because that's what all of the trusted adults have been telling them since childhood.

The truth is that having kids is a MAJOR commitment of your time and resources and overall life. When you have a kid you're then pretty well tethered to them for the next twenty-odd years until they can support themselves- and even then they still need you a lot. But for the first ten years of their lives, YOU HAVE NO OTHER LIFE. They're infinitely demanding and selfish and, if you're doing it right, there's no escape from it. I think that if the truth were taught in place of the fuzzy happy myths about family life, the birth rate would drop faster than pants on prom night.

My ex was one of these. She completely bought into it to the extend that she was begging me for kids at the age of 22. When I finally gave in five years later she was elated, until the 3am feedings and diapers and getting the kids to daycare started to hit in earnest and she really understood what she had taken on. Then she turned into a bitter bitch who felt that she was utterly overloaded and put upon, despite the fact that she worked half time while I worked full time and that I cooked, cleaned, fed and changed diapers on an equal basis with her. She still screams when our grown kids put any sort of demand on her.

I, on the other hand, knew exactly what I was getting into from the start- hence my reluctance to do it at an early age. I held off until 27 and had the last by 30, when I had the surgery. I've taken it in stride that the kids need me and need my attention, and that they're my primary job while my career has been just something to pay the bills. I gave up going out with friends for pool and beer for about 15 years, and still rarely do it- because the kids do in fact still need me a fair bit.

Were I to do it all over again, would I have kids? I don't know. Probably not. I've missed a lot of opportunities due to parenthood- but I have to admit, I'm very glad to know the three adults that my kids have become.
( Wanderer, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 4:19, 1 reply)

^ this ... a lot
Parenthood might be a lot easier for most if they didn't buy into the simpering disneyfied sweetness of sitcoms, just as Relationships might be easier for most if they didn't believe in all that Mills and Boon crap.

Kids are great. But motherhood (or Primary Caregiverhood, if you prefer) is, for the most part, a crushingly dull menial job in an office you can never leave.

Still, after I posted the above, I went to pick up 6yo daughter from school and 3yo daughter decided to go for a swim, in a puddle. Gosh she's cute.
(Que?, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 6:11, closed)