A nice little story for you all
My tongue ring got infected the other week - that taught me to follow the useless advice of my mother in law
"Awesome sickie off work - put some of this shit I got from this godawful restaurant last week in your mouth - it'll make your tongue look awful enough to get off work, but you won't feel ill!"

My wife (a total fookin mentalist) egged me on, and as we had been intense friends and she was my first and only love, I mused “Why the feck not”
My wife was great at convincing me to do things – I was once thought a sex offender cos some stupid tourist found us canoodling in a bush after she suddenly had the horn.

Anywho, on the drive there, I thought I would increase the road rage my wife was experiencing (due to the incompetence of the old geezer in front using his sat-nav) by playing the game I like to call “Driving instructor”. Every time she did ANYTHING that could be remotely construed as ‘bad driving’ I’d tell her;
“I’m sorry madam, but you have failed the test”.
However, due to my schebobilified (my slang for ransacked) tongue, it came out as;
“Am thorry mamam, bu oo a hait he tetht”

Well we got to the dentist, and as it was an emergency, (my tongue was huge and swollen, much like my…balloons I got from a weird teacher of mine….and my cock) he saw me straightaway.
“I’m afraid we need to put you under some powerful local anaesthetic to remove that ring of yours”
“You old people talk so much bollocks” – squeaked the missus – “Just use fire. Could work, you never know”
Having given her a scathing glance, my dentist, ignoring her instructions and administering the knock-out fluid, replied
“Listen, I’m the expert, he trusts me to do this more than you, correct?”
As he was holding a big needle, I agreed wholeheartedly – I had to explain to the dearest later that
“No darling, it wasn’t me, it was the drugs talking! I’d love for you to remove my infectious tongue ring with fire!”

What with all the kerfuffle and the rather busty dental nurse, I started to find the situation (accidentally of course) erotic. My wife, on seeing my quickly-expanding member shouted
“Now there’s no need for that” and did the most awful thing that really hurt my rude bits. It was this event that lead to her dumping me most spectacularly a few days later. :(

Now that was a bit of a shit story, but its relevant cos




I've now shown off my collection of QOTW Answers!

Prize for spotting all of them
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 20:33, Reply)