I've always
put it down to the fact I had a fairly liberal upbringing - I mean, I was never told nudity and sex were dirty, or rather I was told it was a lot of fun. I pretty much always knew how it all worked.

At thirteen, I ended up writing a piss-poor 'erotic' story winding a mate up over something to do with some girl that does not bear repeating here. Most of the material came from a porn obsessed guy I hung around with who used to boast that he borrowed both his brother's stash of (then illegal) hardcore and his "silk lips" toy. I hope he washed it first.

Matey silk lips read the story, said he wanted his own copy for 'personal use'. I did him one, changed the names, charged him a couple of quid. Wants another one next day. Invent more stuff. More cash, easy money, this stuff by anyone's standards was tame, and perversly I was being paid by my muse.

He lived in the next town so got a school bus home. Shows it to another guy, likeminded, who comes to me and I, like a good little grotmonger, pen him some d-grade filth in exchange for lucre. Awful, about as erotic as a spoon but considering none of us had gone beyond the 'theory' stage it didn't have to be. Surprisingly, neither of them seemed to mind the central character being Cliff Richard.

Busboy loved it. So much so that he announced on the bus ride home that he was planning to wank all over it when he got in. In front of the bus monitor. Merchandise gets confiscated, my clients make no attempts to cover my arse, I get busted and suspended from school for two days for creating and distributing obscene material. Featuring Cliff Richard.

That was the only time I got any form of formal disciplinary at school, and is something in which I take a perverse pride.
( cs1ca, Sun 28 Jan 2007, 2:41, Reply)