Tenuous link here
but the topic is pretty piss-poor, so I figure we're thin on the ground.

Never really did the school nativity/play thing, I remember being in the chorus once or twice when it was compulsory, but in an attitude that extends to much of my life, if I didn't have to be there, I wouldn't be.

My youngest brother was slightly more involved than me, and chose to go for a good role in his middle schools production of Oliver Twist. Now normally I wouldn't be associated with this, but much of the extended family was coming down due to my brothers' big role - Bill Sykes - so I felt slightly obliged. That and the fact that as the youngest, my brother is a tailored object of ridicule, and I felt some sneer-worthy moments would crop up. Incidentally, I don't treat him quite so badly any more, but the evening didn't disappoint.

We're in the middle of the country, the school is well-funded and gets good Ofsted reports, and the feature was going to be performed to well over 500 people, so the school weren't going to put on some dog and pony show. They worked their hardest to put on a good performance, I remember Brother putting in many rehearsal hours.

On the night, after some awkward conversations with ex-teachers, we sat down and saw that they had indeed gone all out. Huge spotlights at the back of the hall, massive speakers, and when the show began, it became apparent, microphones on the actors.

Now this would seem a logical step; there were several hundred at each performance, it was a fairly big hall, it would help keep the audience at the back in the moment. The only problem being we are talking about 12(ish) year olds, and whilst not hellraisers they're not exactly to be relied upon with a mic. So my brother comes on stage, starts singing his heart out, yelling his lines into his collar mounted mic, and generally doing a decent job.

Until towards the end of one of his scenes, he fluffed a line. Nothing really terrible, but he stumbled. And as he disappeared off stage, everyone in the hall, all those middle-class, BMW-driving parents and their youngest crotchfruit, received a perfectly audible, clear, 'fuck...'

Spectacular. Wet myself. Could not sit still for the rest of the show, just gaped at all the stunned faces and every crying child. Had to have 11 biscuits at the end to calm myself down, and crow all the way home.

Even better, I later found, they were recording that nights' show for the DVD to go on sale to all the parents. Don't think they used that copy...
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Sun 29 Mar 2009, 18:05, Reply)