Bloody Camels
My primary school was a very cliquey place and whenever we came to do a school play the same ensemble of girls would get all the major parts (The group of girls consisted of Amy, the daughter of the headmaster, Helen and Rebecca, whose parents were on the school board and Hannah, a girl whose mother was a teacher).

Anywhoo our last year at school we were given the pleasure of performing Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat and naturally as I had already developed the ability to be a sarcastic twat I was given a non speaking part of one of the blokes that buys Joseph as a slave. The plan was that the three slave buyers would appear at the back of the room and make their way through the audience to stand on stage miming that we were buying Joseph. To make sure we stayed out of trouble while waiting for our cue at the back of the room, the school caretaker had knocked up some fake hobby horse looking camels for us to ride in on complete with a mouth that could be controlled via a string attached to the broom handle body.

The night of the play and everything had been perfected, the narrators knew their lines, everyone had a number of family members in the audience and the cast were ready to impress. The school had even forked out for a video to film the event and sell on to the parents afterwards (This was back in the time where portable cameras were both so expensive and so big no one really had one).

Anywhoo the camera was to be set up and recorded by the caretaker who took the easy route of setting the thing up pressing the record button at the start and leaving it standing at the back of the room while he popped out for a few ciggies. Unattended Camera on Record + Bored kids waiting for their part = trouble.

Whoever got to see the final video would have seen some piece involving Joseph (Played by Amy- no less) while a number of extras danced and performed cartwheels in the background, only to have the view blocked by a camel who appeared on screen. Taking a leaf from Morcambe and Wise- An off camera voice (Mine) then asked “What do you think of the show so far?” and the camel (complete with moving mouth) replied “Rubbish”. The camel then spent a few minutes pretending to eat cast members on the stage before disappearing out of view (I thought that the head was coming over so I stopped)

The school never released the video due to a “technical fault with the video” and I was given a bollocking in private for ruining everyone’s hard work by the head.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:11, 1 reply)

nice
also, made me laugh because I read the second line as "Hannah, a girl whose mother was a testicle."
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:16, closed)