The organ player's wife
When I was around 5 years old, I was given the part of the organ player's wife in the school Christmas play (a not at all suggestive role). I was delighted as the previous year I'd not been given a role, and my arch-rival Stacey had been made an angel much to my envy. So I avidly practiced my one line, determined that it should best exemplify my previously unrecognised acting prowess.

Night of the play. I enter under the bright lights, wearing a velvet red dress my parents had proudly bought in Laura Ashley. In that serious, earnest way that young children have when they're trying to act grown-up, I pronounced my line:
"I'm sure you can write a new song for your organ. WON'T you, dear?" (here doing my best, hen-pecking imitation of my gran after my poor grandfather had committed some minor misendeamor.)

The whole audience bursts into laughter.

Unfortunately I didn't see nor understand the funny side, and promptly burst into tears. I remember feeling humiliated and confused... had I not played my roll well enough? I spent the rest of my (now mute) time on stage with tears and snot running down my face, howled my indignance through the song and sniffed my wounded pride through the curtain call (cue fresh bouts of laughter).


Years later, this story is repeated at every family gathering, and worse still, a video recording somehow managed to find its way onto a famous home video show.
(I'm not here was here on, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 17:21, Reply)