Bicycle Helmets and Cricket Balls
Two Stories:
1) Being young and cocky when I used to cycle to school I used to ride home past this earth mound. Being bored one lonely ride home I decided to ride over this mound and jump off the other side.

So hurtling over this mound as fast at I can I get to the other side and completely mis-time my jump.

I drop straight down 2 feet on to solid ground, landing with the full force on the front forks. The buckle, I go flying over the handlebars and the bike follows. I land flat on my back and look up just in time to see the back-end of my fall into my face, gears first.

Luckily I was wearing my new cycle helmet, but if I hadn't, I'd have had the full force of the bike, focussed through the nut that held the back wheel on (and nothing else), smacking me in the forehead. I'd have probably been a goner.

2) I hated cricket. I found it the most boring sport I ever had the mis-fortune to be forced to play at school.

One dull game I was fielding and the ball rolled to my feet. With the batsman about to run in I thought "What the heck" and threw the ball (a proper cricket ball) full pelt at the stumps.

Unfortunately I'm a lousy shot, and I actually threw the ball at head-height towards the mental kid in the class who was looking the other way.

Luckily (being a lousy shot) I managed to miss him by a gnats-gonad, but I got away with nearly killing him because of his learning difficulties that rendered him oblivious to pretty much anything not stuck right in front of him.

I felt so guilty that I nearly killed him that I've never played cricket with a proper ball since.
(minister of heresy, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 13:04, Reply)