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This is a question Near Death Experiences

Last time I crashed my bike, as I flew through the air towards the car in front of me not much went through my head apart from "You idiot". No tunnels, no lights to stay away from, no smiling family members beckoning to me.

Surely you've had a better near-death experience?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 11:35)
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Electricity + 12 year olds
Apologies for length in advance..

When i was about 12, we had a shed at the top of the garden, prefect for 'hanging out' in. By hanging our i mean reading crumpled copies of 'Razzle' or 'Fiesta'. Anyways, i decieded we needed some light and got an old spotlight from the garage and a really long, home-made spliced together extention. Plugged it all in - presto! Except when u moved the cable it went out. Aha! i though - it'll be that mountain of insulation tape in the middle. So i undid it all and proceded to tidy the wires and 'splice' them back together. Without turning it off at the mains. Apparently, the wires were burnt to my fingers, there was smoke coming off my head 'Carry On' style and 'blue lines of electricity' shooting into the grass. Once of my mates saved me by kicking the wires from my hand. It took a while for them to notice but the spotlight was working at the time!

15 mins of CPR plus a few weeks in hospital made me a legend around school - and i still have no finger prints on 5 fingers!
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 14:28, Reply)
How many twats does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ooh I just remembered.
I wasn't sure if my ceiling light socket was bayonet or screw-in, so I stuck my finger in it to find out. My arm jolted and felt weird for a few minutes afterwards. I cursed myself for being so stupid.
When, an hour later, I sheepishly demonstrated to my girlfriend what I had done, the force of the electric current threw me right off the chair i was standing on.
Now I get her to deal with anything dangerous like that.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 14:27, Reply)
Everywhere in Thailand are tales of near-death experiences. My own happened after a visit to a clifftop bar in Koh Pha Ngan.
After downing a couple of buckets of amphetamine-laced whisky, I was encouraged to make my way back to my bungalow, but missed my step and tumbled down the side of a cliff, cutting open my head and face. 4 locals came over and offered to take me to hospital, but I was too clever for them by half! I knew they were in fact going to plant drugs on me and get me the death penalty for smuggling, so instead of accepting their lift to the hospital I called them a bunch of bastards and attacked them, whereupon they took me to the beach for a kicking. I woke up face-down on the beach some time later and found my way back to my hut, the events having been witnessed with amusement by half the tourists on the island.
I kissed the ground pope-style with the cracked remains of my lips when my plane landed back at Gatwick a fortnight later.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 14:14, Reply)
Shot at for stealing a chicken.
I was in Thailand. (this was pre-"The Beach", so gaudy tourists weren't a problem).
After a particularly fun night on mushrooms I was walking back to my small bungalow on the beach when I noticed that the owner kept his chickens in a coop just behind my room. High as a kite I reached into the coop to set my feathered friend free into the night. As I pulled the squawking bird from it's cage the owner came running out of nowhere holding what looked like a sawn-off shutgun. "Hey, Wha' you doin'? Pu' chicke' ba' or I shoot you!" I let go of the chicken and put my hands up, shit scared that this was it, I was going to die a chicken thief!
As the chicken hit the ground and ran off into the night the obviously perturbed Thai man took a pot shot at my feet! I have never jumped so fucking high in my life!!!!
I quickly ran off, grabbed my bag from my room and never looked back! All i can remember is him shouting "Hey, you teef! I gonna kill you, you stea' my chicke'".
I have not returned to Thailand since.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 13:11, Reply)
Remember that really bad storm we had in 1987?

It woke me up so I went downstairs. After a while, I crashed on the sofa for a bit, while the house shook. My dad comes in to the room with an amazed look on his face and tells me to go out to the front room and see how the lightpost is about to come down on a car... as I get up and walk across the room, the whole chimney stack falls through the roof, through my bedroom, then through the ceiling of the lounge (some indication of its weight) and lands fully in the seat I had been sitting in 1 moment before.

I heard my dog whelping from the other sofa and the resulting adrenalin allowed me to lift an ENORMOUS piece of ceiling/masonry off my dog so she could escape. I had super-human strength that night and I cleared all the valuables from the lounge in about 3 mins simply by lifting whole pieces of furniture in one go, by myself. Any other time and I'd have done myself a mischief. Amazing but scary.

My dog spent the rest of her life thinking the sky was going to fall on her head... poor thing.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 13:10, Reply)
clay shooting
one of the clay shooting grounds round bouts is run by an old boy who still uses manual traps instead of the new leccy ones - you pull the arm back, load a clay and then push the arm off when your partner shouts pull. Springs obviously have a lot of tension in them, so procedure is take 2 clays out of box, place on knee. Pull arm back, load clays and then wait for signal.

All's going well till i cocked trap and realized i hadnt got clays out of box, without thinking bent down and grabbed two just as trap let itself go over the top of my head, grabbing some hair as it went (had thick long hair at the time) so i guess it was bout an inch from my skull......

Brown trousered - yup you bet!
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 12:16, Reply)
It brings back
fond memories of Australia..

An Australian guide took a group of us tourists, bedecked in our cork hats and sunglasses, to a pretty little oasis in the middle of a rainforest. It was boiling hot, and there were loads of people swimming in a clear watered pool nearby. Native people. I jumped in.

..After I had been swept downstream, and had SOMEHOW managed to grab ahold a weed-covered rock and pull myself on top of it, I glanced behind me to note there was a waterfall not far off, and the passage to it was choked with large, threatening rocks. So chances are I'd of been either bashed to death, or knocked unconcious and chucked down the waterfall.

The bastard Aussie had failed to point out the signpost near the pool (overgrown with charming greenery) that stated "WARNING : 6 AMERICANS HAVE DIED HERE. PLEASE BEWARE OF THE CURRENTS."

I particularly liked the fact that they only pointed out it was only Americans who had died there. At least they didn't have to add "And one stupid English woman."
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 12:15, Reply)
Many many moons ago while still at school
we were taken for a week in Switzerland. Having an afternoon to ourselves one day a few of us had went a wondering up the hillside next to the hostel. We found another couple of mates who were crowded round something they were looking at on the ground. When we got there, they had the grate off a hole in the ground about 4 four square. In the deep hole was an underground stream, this then had BIG blades that were cutting and mashing leaves and branches and any other crap that flowed down it. Much fun was had throwing bigger and bigger things into it until my mate Stephen did the old "push, saved your life" thing. He managed the pushing bit ok, but was a bit poor in the saving of the life segment of the joke. I fell forwards and managed to have my arms on one side of the hole and my feet still on the other. ooooh the fear. ooooh the smell from my arse. My other mates dived forwards and grabbed my arms and legs, I was then lifted sideways till we were away from the hole. Stephen was just slowly walking backwards muttering i'm sorry, i'm sorry. I'm sure he was but that was a perfectly good pair of pants that had just been ruined.

I wasn't the only one to be nearly killed that holiday. mate nearly got hit by a train with the same "push, saved your life" trick when pushed onto rail tracks.

Oh how we all laugh now.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 12:06, Reply)
Death by wave-pool
For my 10th birthday my folks rented the local swimming pool for a swimming party. Said pool had the added bonus of a wave machine and large (6' x 4') floats you could sit on.

Me and 3 friends were mucking about on one of the floating mats when the pool operators turned the wave machine on. Unfortunately large buoyancy aids, 2ft waves and sugar-fuelled kids don't mix. The raft capsized, thowing us all in the water, and my 3 friends all climbed back on board. I, however, had attempted to surface underneath the mat (now weighed down by three kids) and so naturally couldn't get a lungfull of livegiving air.

Being a bit of a wuss I'd never been able to open my eyes underwater (chlorine stings) and in my panicked little brain I came to the conlcusion that somehow I'd been sucked into the pipe system for the swimming pool.

With my eyes firmly shut, starting to freak out and really wanting to start breathing soon, I swam in what I assumed was the direction of the opening for the pipe before rising to the surface and gulping down some much needed oxygen. Of course I was a mere 3ft or so from my friends who were mucking about quite merrily, blissfully unaware of the near-death experience I'd just had. That said, they looked like they were having fun, so it didn't take me long to get over it and join in myself.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 11:47, Reply)
Being a biker and an ex climber, I have several...
Two that spring to mind:
A friend and I were asked to help out on an outward-bound course teaching a group of kids to abseil. A girl of about fourteen got a case of the fear halfway through her first descent from a sixty-foot scaffold. I stepped through the guardrail at the top of the tower and gently talked her down. As I slid back under the rail, my hand automatically swept behind me to lift my rope clear so that I didn't trip over it. It wasn't there. I'd been leaning over the edge of the tower with the safety rope in my hand attached to a panicking teenager and I'd forgotten to clip myself on to my own rope. Ironically, we had incessantly drilled one rule into all our students: "What is the most important knot? Your own". Close enough for me, thanks.

Ice-climbing in Glencoe, second man up a waterfall following a nice route with protection all set. I felt a shudder, and sensed myself falling. Standard practice is to flatten yourself against the ice to reduce the leverage on the axes and crampons and this is what I did. Unfortunately, with my face pressed hard to the ice, I could see the scenery to my side still creeping upwards - the sheet of ice onto which I was firmly anchored had broken away and was slipping down the mountain with me on it. It stopped after about twelve feet. No tunnels or lights, just a nice warm feeling as the contents of my bladder ran down my leg.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 11:21, Reply)
I'm driving seventy miles an hour down highway I-40 in my subcompact. At this point it's two lanes on either side, with a big concrete barrier dividing. I am in the left lane, the fast lane. The car in the right lane decides to merge straight into me. Me, with noplace to go except into that barrier.
Fortunately, the guy realized his mistake at the last second and did not sandwich me into the concrete.
Curiously, I wasn't scared at all, didn't even honk, as he drifted closer and closer, scrolling through the options on his cell phone.

Oh, oh gawd. All these stories beginning with "so I was driving home stoned and plastered..". As if I didn't have enough to worry about. I'm driving around in north fuckin' carolina, where every other auto is a sport utility, v8 engine, 50-gallon tank, all the better to crush you with, my dear, and NOW I need to worry about...oh gawd.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 6:08, Reply)
hmm one more, me this time though.
two summers ago I think...

My mom was away and I was staying with a friend of hers who has a son who is 18. (very handsome... and his friends too) (i am a 14 year old girl at the time)
so, when he and his friends are bored, they ask me if i want to go cliff jumping with them. I oblige, and drive off into the mountains to meet my doom.
upon reaching the cliffs, i see that they are VERY large and imposing. so... we swim across the freezing river and start climbing the cliff. they help me to the top, where i am greeted by muscular tan bodies, and warm sunshine to dry meself. i feel too pleasant gazing at their bodies to fling myself off the cliff, so i don't. i wait a few hours... but it becomes time to go, and i gather the courage to jump.
bad idea.
while falling, i find i have several seconds to think about my life, and the water speeding toward me.
the impact takes my breath, and while i am fairly deep in the water, i find i cannot swim. i look up and see faint light coming from the surface of the water. I think "i must be dead!"
but i float to the surface and am pulled out by one of the gorgeous boys. i start breathing again, and sit in the backseat of the car and eat some pretzels as we drive back to his house. nearly killed my mom when she was told about my escapade... poor lady ;D
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 6:01, Reply)
nearly died you say?
after havin a few beers prior to goin clubbin a bunch of us decide to see who can leave their footprint highest on the pristine white wall of the pub. Suffice to day that being the clumsy one i landed and knackered my ankle. No problem thinks me, i can still go out, I'll just have to get pissed enough not to notice the pain. Cracking night ensues, and I come to in the morning lying on the sofa at home in agony, smoke a few bongs and the pain goes away. Mate comes in and screams and asks where the blood is from, cue me looking at him quizically. Upon being dragged to a mirror notice there's a fuck off huge gash where my eyebrow used to be and blood all over my face which he helpfully pointed out might be due to the bike at the bottom of the stairs havin its handlebars twisted round where my face had, unbeknownst to me in my alcoholic daze, smashed into them after falling down the stairs in the middle of the night. Couple of centimetres lower and they would have found me impaled through the eye on the handlebars in the morning. Nice!! No Lights or tunnels just piecing together the evidence afterwards and realising how lucky I was
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 5:36, Reply)
When my mom was in highschool, her friend Kathy used to drive her to school. One day she had a dentist appointment and was going to go to school later. When Kathy was driving to school a meteor went right through the roof and out the bottom of the car, right where my mom would have been sitting. Yay for dentists!
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 4:51, Reply)
we have some real optimists here
don't we?
*Well, philosophically speaking life is a prerequisite of death so we are all having a near-death experience...*

Glass half empty?

And what philosophers have you been reading, smart arses?
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 2:02, Reply)
Oh my god!
You guys are all so cooooooool, getting stoned and drunk while driving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111

Gee, I wish I was that cool.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 1:17, Reply)
I had a near Death experiance once...
i was once writing on a forum when suddenly i wa

but i was ok afterwards.
thanks to jesus!
(, Mon 29 Nov 2004, 0:25, Reply)
hash crash
I used to smoke loads of weed.
Once, after a trip to some japanese surfers' place to have a few cones and pick up some hash, me and 3 mates were driving home with 'even when he's stoned he's still hyperactive' matey doing the driving.

It's not his car and the car's stoned owner has reminded him several times: 'Don't strap it, the tyres are nearly bald'. Plus it's raining.

So he's fanging down this wet hill with a 90degree left hander at bottom. Of course, at the speed we're going we hit the corner and just start spinning around and continuing straight across the corner, in between two on coming cars and (thank fuck), down a side street where we straighten up and come to a halt without even touching another car.

Unfortunately, I was too stoned to have had a 'near death experience' as I didn't really realise what had happened til we were stopped, rather, i just nearly died.
'Bummer dude'.

And yes, we did then drive to matey's house (a little slower) and smoke loads and loads of hash.
'Dude, we fully almost died before'.
'Totally, that was gay...'
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 23:42, Reply)
Just remebered
I get a lot of injuries from sailing, (see my previous post for the time when I got run over by a motorboat) so here's another I just remembered.

Once when I was out sailing last winter, the wind was fucking good and strong (a rare pleasure where I live) so we went out even though it looked a bit too rough (Force 6ish).

I was positively roaring along, and then suddenly the wind stopped completely. As in pfffft-pop gone. I didn't know that this was one of the main signs a squall was on its way.

A Squall is when you get a big fuckoff gust of wind (up to 50mph) for about a minute. It is characteries by the slight pause in the wind before it hits, and the dazed people saying "What the fuck was that?" afterwards.

Anyway, squall hits, and from a different direction to the old wind. The boom snaps around, catching me full on the face with a loud and scary CRACK.

I wake up 30 seconds later, underwater and tangled in my mainsheet.

I spent another 20 seconds or so undoing the main so I could get to the surface. Those were the scariest 20 seconds of my life.

I wasn't unduly worried about dieing, but I WAS worried about not being able to go home and feed my hamsters.

Poor little buggers.

Oddly enough, I sustained no damage from the boom or my stint underwater. Surpirsing, since I left a dent in the boom, which is a seven foot long, two inch thick piece of pipe.
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 22:53, Reply)
African treat
In 2000, aged 16, I spent a few weeks with my dad on an N/S Africa trip doing the usual touristy stuff. The day we arrived home was the pen ultimate day of the school holidays so I promptly went to bed to ready myself for the return.

At around 6:30am I woke up lying on my back drenched in sweat running a high fever I tried to sit up but found I was hardly able to move feeling quasi-paralysed I tried to call out for help but couldn’t vocalise anything but odd whimpers and groans..

Over the next 30 minuets I heard both my parents leave the house and I must admit I became totally monkey scared, that primal survival fear you get, like when you see a huge spider or some such scurry across the floor towards you in your peripheral vision.

Luckily we had a cleaner back then I heard her flutting about downstairs and by now I'd managed to drag myself off the bed on to the floor. I was completely delirious and began doing the only thing I could do to attract her attention bang my head repeatedly on the floor, trust me it made sense at the time, the only thing I could move with any conviction was my head.

It worked she promptly called an ambulance I was hurried away to a local hospital in a containment room with a large air con unit ice and damp towels to try and keep my temp down (it was sky high risking brain damage had I been left).

I don’t recall anything from the first 5 days I spent in the hospital except the lunge punch they did to test my spinal fluid. The night I finally came round I was greeted by a nun sitting at the bottom of my bed smiling at me scared me lots bloody nuns!.
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 22:26, Reply)
whilst wiring plugs in science
i happened to mention you could fit the plug into the socket by pushing the screwdriver in in place of the earth plug (which had no doubt been removed to prevent just such dangerous behaviour). well someone goes and does it and turns the swith on. que buzzing noise then loud bang as it short circuits inches from my face. needless to say my underwear needed a good clean after that little episode
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 22:19, Reply)
Buses are Dangerous Places
Sorry if this is long!

Picture the scene. Long hard day at school. Summer's day. Restless kids (me included). As a joke somebody decides to play a game of budge up at the back of the bus upstairs using me as the cushion.
Several people push with all thier might while i struggle propped up against the window.
After all of this pushing, the whole window frame decides it's had enuogh and falls out onto the pavement leaving half of me dangling out of a bus window at 40mph
Found it funny at the time but I'm lucky 2 b writing this!
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 21:58, Reply)
Anal probe (nearly)
Whilst on a drunken walk home I decided that a pub sign would be a good momento to take home. It was situated next to a main road in a field of wheat. I climbed up and started the process of dismantlting the sign when a cop car drives past and slows down. I jump the 10 foot or so off the sign to make my escape and realise that a rusty steel pole is about an inch behind me but just below the hieght of the wheat. It still brings a tear to the eye to think how painful death would have been with a rusty steel pole forcefully inserted up my rectum.
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 20:07, Reply)
motorway wreck
when i turned 18 i became insured under my dad's company car policy. it was a brand new car with a three.two litre engine, less than a week old, and had cost the company some £40,000. so doing about 85mph with my entire family in the car, i tried to go from the outside lane into the middle.

at the same time as a van tried to go from the inside lane into the middle.

result: my dad saw him, shouted, grabbed my arm. i spun the steering wheel to go back into the outside lane. never do this at 85mph. the result was a nasty slewing sensation and then a series of bangs and swearing. turned out we'd hit the central reservation, spun round and shot back across the motorway to hit the barrier on the hard shoulder.

somehow we hadn't hit anything else or turned over despite the rush hour traffic. poor car was a write off though. after a week. i kept saying: oh my god, your new car, i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry. eventually my dad replied: "look. we're all ok so f*ck the car" -at which point i said: "i've already done that" - and burst into tears.

so cost the nice insurance people £40,000 for the car plus contents... and christ knows how many thousands of pounds an hour to close the m56 to repair the barriers. for those of you who know manchester, it was in the exact same spot between northenden and the airport where the poor people on their way to holidays weren't so lucky when their minibus tried the same trick.

apologies for length but we all know that shorter is never really sweeter.
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 19:38, Reply)
This one was more recent than you'd expect...
Just yesterday, I had the closest moment to death I'd ever seen. I was driving down the road, listening to music, and this demented 18-wheeler drove past me. The wave of air coming off of it started pushing me off the freeway, and I started trying to drive back on the road frantically. (I have a rather rollover-prone car) The tail end of the SAME truck slammed the back of my car, completely wrenching one wheel off the axel and removing the bumper. I spun completely off the road, across 2 lanes (It was very, very icy) and into a ditch. I was stuck, in an unheated car, for 55 minutes until the police came. Apparently, about 9 other people were in accidents on the same stretch of road. I'm now paranoid about trucks, and driving my dad's car. I came out of it with scratches only.
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 19:22, Reply)
Well have had a couple of little ones
Nothing too exciting mind. But a couple of motorbike crashes that could have been worse than they were but for fate...

...and being hit by a car whilst on a paper round as a kid...

But probably the most amusing one was at work. There was a plug situated below the security shutters (ie window shutters; a shop in a rough area) and to cut a long story short it got mangled one time the shutter wouldn't come up.

The plug was out of sight; I didn't even know it was there, so being a resourceful kind of bloke I stuck my hand down there to try and free it...


wasn't too bad; my arm shot back fast enough to near dislocate it; but was ok the next day..

What really makes the story is the 'side effects' I suffered. I had the constant feeling I needed a pee, and whenever I tried to go, could only manage to squeeze a drop out. Even as I did up my fly and walked away i got the feeling again.

Very scary to think I'd lost the control of my bladder, (especially for such a lame purpose, and at 19!) but two [horrible; and rather hermit like] weeks later; I was back in the driving seat, so to speak!

(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 19:17, Reply)
I have been about
200mm from death, fell from a atic window at a party in leeds. Hurt my self quite badly but the railings missed all important things, I had whole try to stay with me talk to me son from a paramedic with bad breath, he thought obviously thought I was slipping away every time I moved my head to avoid the chedder breath. Special thanks to those who stayed with me during fire works night in Jimmys.
Many other bike crashes and stuff, also play banjo so often have to duck fast moving projectiles thrown by people I thougt loved me.
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 19:01, Reply)
Bouncy things
Back when I was 8, my cousin hired out a bouncy castle for his birthday, was great fun until the parents decided there had been enough vomiting for one day so they took off the pump and told us to carry on jumping so we could get all the air out and then fold it up. After a bit the bounciness was lost we were jumping face first into a concrete patio, but I course I didn’t care. A few minutes later, the sides had collapsed on top of me and then something hit me, literally. I was being folded up with the castle, and to do this the other kids and now parents were jumping on this lump in the middle of the plastic as it was rolled up. I’m being suffocated and crushed by my own family, only seconds before I lose consciousness. Had to think quick, so I did the only thing I could; kicked and screamed like a little girl. Luckily I was heard and I went on to waste the rest of my life, but with a massive fear of inflatable objects and a huge dent in my masculinity.
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 18:44, Reply)
I had a heart attack.
Not that exciting,you say?
Well,I was a mere seventeen at the time.

While out one day with my little sister and a few friends,I began feeling lightheaded and my chest felt as though something heavy had come to rest upon it. I thought nothing of it. Stabbing pains shot through my left arm. I didn't bat an eye.
Then my vision went all dim-sparkly and my chest HURT.
I muttered something about not feeling well. My little sister looked at me and freaked out---the laboured,irregular beating of my heart could be seen clearly through my shirt.
We decided I needed to go to hospital immediately,but on the way to the car,I blacked out.

Obviously,I lived. The story as told to me by the witnessing friends is I fell quietly to the ground and then seemed to stop breathing.My little sister started screaming and pummelling me about the sternum.Suddenly,I came to a la Uma Thurman in 'Pulp Fiction'.

At the hospital,a previously undetected deformed valve in my heart was revealed as the culprit. For whatever reason,it had closed,preventing blood from flowing through my heart.When my sister began to thump me,her punches made the valve open again.
She can still do no wrong in my eyes.

A contributing factor to my heart problems might have been that I was born nearly three months early,weighing a dismal two pounds,ten ounces and spent the first few months of my life in an incubator.
The story is,the doctor told my mother that if she hadn't yet picked out a name,she 'might not have to worry about it.'
She told him to fuck off. Go,Mum!
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 18:17, Reply)
God must want me to die from lack of Air
My mum was in labour with me for just over 36 hours, and when i finaly popped out of her the umbilical cord had been wrapped around me for some time and i was completely blue.

Cue 3 years later and whilst on holiday my mum and dad were sunbathing and taking it in turns to watch me whilst i played next to the pool, they had both fell asleep and i fell in, my dad came to the rescue after about a minute being submurged.

And when i was 10 the film independance day came out and they released some toys of that huge spaceship which fired marble sized BBs instead of lasers, one bounced of the floor and became lodged in the back of my throat and i started choking.
(, Sun 28 Nov 2004, 15:47, Reply)

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