Near Plane Crash
Flying into Gatwick once with my two bros, when I was 15. Suddenly extremely panicked French recording starts to loop and red lights begin to flash. French people everywhere break out rosaries and are wailing - "wailing?" WTF? (Has to be the only time I wished I spoke French).

Then the captain came on the PA system as calm as ice and tells us in his supercalm voice that the undercarriage is not coming down, so the landing might be "a bit bumpy".

So we circle Gatwick a few times while they 'clear' the emergency runway. I'm thinking "what the F**K do they park on the emergency runway?". People continue to puke and pray and cry like babies. Even the stewardesses look scared - not a good sign I think to myself.

As we come down we have to "Assume the brace position" bent over the pillow on your knees. (What possible use is the 'brace position' when the plane blows up? - IMHO it just makes it easier to crap yourself).

And what was the incredibly profound last thought that went through my mind before we hit the tarmac, my last gift to the world? Was I worried about my brothers, or sad that my parents would lose all of us in one go? No it was - "Bloody hell, I'm about to die and I'm still a virgin!".

Turned out it was a faulty light in the cockpit, the undercarriage was fine.

Went out on a mission and lost it 2 weeks later. Just in case.
(Peelmytangerines, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 15:23, Reply)