Here's a standard sex story
I lived next door to a delightful lady in Stoke-On-Trent, she was cheery and jolly and we always said hello to each other.

However, most nights I would hear her having loud sex with Colin, she would shout instruction and approbation in equal amount.

I lived next door to her for 18 months and never ever ever saw Colin.

Ever.

There was never an extra car, extra slam of the door, extra clothes on the line, nothing. Which left me with the disturbing thought that Colin was in the cellar, agoraphobic, a male version of that sexy ghost in "Ghostbusters" or took batteries... but if it was the last one why did she shout at him so much?!?!?!

Please thoughts on what was happening.

**EDIT - Just one last point. Colin never made a sound that got through the wall**
(rockers74 killed a man in Reno just to watch him die., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:09, 8 replies)

simples
I don't know but I often shout "Oh Kylie!" at the critical moment* when having a tug. I have never met a Kylie.

*all utter bollocks, of course. I actually shout "Howay the Lads".
(johnnyevil, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:29, closed)

Why
do I always read Stoke-On-Trent as Stroke-On-Tent?
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:32, closed)

maybe colin was a quiet but lovable labrador?

( weaver., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:00, closed)

It....
...would explain the need for all those instructions, I suppose.....
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:12, closed)

that doesn't sound right...
the instructions were too detailed for a dog to understand. "Good boy" wasn't one of them...
(rockers74 killed a man in Reno just to watch him die., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 10:02, closed)

simple. She was actually
saying "colling", meaning "hugging or embracing."
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 1:35, closed)

She was constipated
and shouting at her colon.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 2:19, closed)

Meet Colin (NSFW)
www.spicygear.com/content/product/large/emporer-blk-8.jpg
(Scritty Bakerman., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 5:14, closed)