NeighboursI used to live next door to a pair of elderly naturists, only finding out about their hobby when they bade me a cheerful, saggy 'Hello' while I was 25 feet up a ladder repairing the chimney. Luckily, a bush broke my fall, but the memory of a fat, naked man in an ill-fitting wig will live with me forever.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:41)
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Living next door to housing association flatMy brief two year stint of single bachelordom was spent living in a tiny studio flat. I'm a big guy and it was sleeping with head in living room, feet in kitchen kind of thing. Anyway the flat next door appeared to be owned by a housing association or possibly the council. Tenants were never in it for very long but often managed to make an impression whilst they were there. There was a cramped hallway outside the flat and a goldfish eye peep-hole in the door and if the door was open could see into the flat. The three standout neighbours were:
1. Pikey Irish couple frequently slamming doors, arguing in hallway. Once peered through me goldfish eye to see him holding her against the wall by the neck before he stormed off in girly stop. She didn't look particularly bothered if truth be told. Answered the door to some baliffs by accident a couple of times, looking for the same couple.
2. Black couple. Watching telly one evening, hear loud thumps and arguing. male occupier of said flat, is arguing with er- 3 other IC3 males in tiny hallway. suddenly lots of shoving and pushing breaks out. I call the police. On the phone trying to explain whats going on looking through my little spy-hole, i can see into the flat next door and one of them is waving a kitchen knife around. Oh fuck, I think to myself, I am about to be a witness to a murder. Anyway the whole thing seems to fizzle out and the police arrive just in time not to catch the trouble makers.
3. Sreaming Pregnant lady. Get a knock on my door late one evening. Black gentleman with strong french accent "Come quick, come quick it is my gilfriend." Enter flat to discover pregnant woman sat on floor screaming her head off. Turns out the guy doens't speak much English and wants me to ring ambulence:
"What? No, I can't see the baby's head!'
"No, I'm not the father. just send the ambulence pleaaaaaaaase!"
Thakfully, ambulance drivers turn up and they transport her down the stairs in some sort of sedan chair arrangment.
Apologies for length, but you love it really, you filthy little minx you!
(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 23:38, Reply)
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