Unorthodox use of Furniture
For the last two years of my life as an undergrad I stayed in one particularly crappy excuse for a flat which at least had the saving grace that it was a bit brighter and airier than the basement flat I'd lived in before. Apart from going slightly crazy in a tiny bedroom and having to shout at the landlord because something else had broken down, I didn't mind living there all that much. The Chinese students who moved in next door, however, had a slightly more turbulent year.

I was milling around the kitchen one morning, probably trying to find something to make my sorry-looking slice of toasted Tesco-Value-White Sliced-from-the-Reduced-Aisle a bit more appetising, when I heard a thump and a crash from next door.

I didn't initially regard this as suspicious. They were a noisy bunch at the best of times, and I assumed that the sudden, startled sounding shout was because the mouse who'd been terrorising our flat had wandered into their kitchen in search of something more exotic to steal than the corner of some Tesco-Value-White-Sliced-from-the-Reduced-Aisle.

So I was very surprised when I set off for uni, maybe half an hour later. I got my things, put my coat on, opened the door, walked out...

...straight into a policeman.

There was a strapping six-footer in a policeman's uniform, who I had to presume wasn't there to provide a striptease, as he was talking to one of the Chinese guys in the doorway of their flat, and actually taking notes in his notebook, rather than using it as a way to show teasing glimpses of his penis. And further down the hallway was another similarly burly bobby handcuffing one of the other flatmates.

Turns out the noise wasn't the mouse, then. I heard later on that the loud shout had been the result of an altercation in which the guy I saw being handcuffed had decided to hit his flatmate over the head with a chair.

Apologies for length; I'm sure if the copper had been a stripper it would have been gargantuan.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:15, 4 replies)

Turns out the noise wasn't the mouse, then
Must be some fuckoff mutant mice on steroids in this place. Click
( SpankyHanky, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:24, closed)

Ha, just read that back....
Although, given the combination of dodgy chemicals they throw into Tesco bread, I wouldn't be surprised if one day they hit the right formula and accidentally created a race of Mighty Mice.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:30, closed)

Shame it wasn't Alice
yes I went there
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 14:06, closed)

Ooh, you did. You totally went there.
_{If it had been Alice I'd have given him a bigger chair...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 14:14, closed)