I Hate This Area.
I've had my fair share of neighbours... and probably yours too now that I think about it.

1st off we have the smack-head woman.
When she first moved in she was actually quite pretty and seemed normal. Then she started on the hard-drugs and the downward spiral begun.
She'd knock on the neighbours doors asking to "borrow some tinfoil because she's making the baby a pie."
The baby was 18 months old, tops.
She'd knock and ask to use neighbours phones at all hours to ring her dealer. It was terrible.
I went on holiday with some family and when I came back 2 weeks later her house looked empty. No curtains no nothing. I spoke to a friend later that day and he said that a Transit van had pulled up outside her house whilst she was on the doorstep having a smoke. 7/8 blokes jumped out the van, pinned her down, gave her a kicking and shaved her head.
Bizarre. But I never saw her again.

Neighbour 2 was a paranoid nutter with no shame whatsoever.
You know those people who don't know when they've overstepped the line and won't shut the fuck up? She was one of those.
Every day she'd go into town shopping and everyday she'd struggle with her lock. Fair enough but she'd ALWAYS insist that I lock the door!
Fair enough, I don't mind helping people now and then but I must have locked that door 90 times in the space of a month. It's your door, learn to use it or get it fixed!
One time she spotted my cousin on the bus and must have recognized him from his visits to mine. She stood up on the crowded bus, pointed at him and shouted "WHAAAAAT!? YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!" and stormed off the bus.
(He was 18 at the time and clearly 10/12 years younger than her.)

I remember her sharing her weirdness with a few of my friends too.
I was chatting outside my house to my mate about some random jibberish. Computer stuff probably. When she rather rudely interupted my sentence.
HER: Hey!
ME: Um, yeah?
HER: Did you cut my hair?!
*Friends' face goes from mild-shock to surpressed laughter*
Me: What!?
Her: Someone cut my hair! If it's not you and it's not me then who it is!?
Me: *bit scared now* I honestly don't know.
She wandered off mumbling to herself and I got a phone call later that night from my mate saying "Hey, if I bring the kids round will you cut their hair? Hahaha" *roar of laughter from the family in the background.*
I never heard the end of that.
I bumped into her in town a few days after the bus event and she said "My dad's following me so I'm moving house. I can't tell you anymore." I think I skipped home that day with a big grin on my face.

Neighbour 3 seemed ok until she developed a fondness for my cat.
She'd sit on the front doorstep, stroking the cat and chatting to it and eventually started feeding it sardines. I didn't mind seeing as the cat was in no danger.
But one day she knocked on my door:
HER: "Do you know where your cat is?"
ME: "Erm, no. Upstairs asleep maybe. Why?"
HER: "CUS YOU'RE WRONG THAT'S WHY! IT'S CLIMBING UP MY CURTAINS AND I'M TRYING TO HOOVER!"

She'd let the cat into her home and it'd freaked out when she switched the hoover on as most cats do.
Their friendship ended there.

Better stop here, this is long enough as it is.
(Penis Joke Here)
(tylrdiablos, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 15:43, Reply)