NeighboursI used to live next door to a pair of elderly naturists, only finding out about their hobby when they bade me a cheerful, saggy 'Hello' while I was 25 feet up a ladder repairing the chimney. Luckily, a bush broke my fall, but the memory of a fat, naked man in an ill-fitting wig will live with me forever.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:41)
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When I was a little nippermy dad used to burn rubbish in a big metal barrel in the garden. (Not very environmentally friendly, but this was the sixties and my dad used to own a bottle opener which was a taxidermied rat with metal jaws that used to sit on his study dresser looking like a bionic mutant killing machine; my dad was not into kissing trees and hugging flowers).
I'd stand to one side and breath in the heady fumes of whatever he was burning, wathcing the dancing flames, mezmerized - probably a little turned on.
Then one time on a dark November morning a pale blue and white panda car came screaming up the drive with the big blue light flashing. The police officer (local bobby, nothing special, nice but dim), got out and ran over to us. He looked into the burning barrel, panting heavily.
"What are you burning?" he asked my dad.
My dad poked around a bit with his stick. "Errr... I'm burning some of my daughters old toys, officer," said my dad.
The police officer looked a bit pissed off. "We had reports you were burning something illegal." He looked into the barrel, saw the mass of melted plastic and wood and various other shit. Then he waved a goodbye and stalked off.
My dad appeared perplexed.
Took him until after Christmas to find out why the copper had come tearing up the drive like Starsky AND Hutch. My mum heard it from a friend of a friend of the next door neighbour.
She'd alerted the authorities when she saw my dad putting a baby in a burning barrel with some small demonic kid (me) clapping his hands in glee and looking on.
It was one of my sisters old and knackered dolls.
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:03, 3 replies)
This ismost bleedin brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:44, closed)
...my dad used to own a bottle opener which was a taxidermied rat with metal jaws that used to sit on his study dresser looking like a bionic mutant killing machine;..Click for this!
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Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:32,
closed)
clickI'd stand to one side and breath in the heady fumes of whatever he was burning, wathcing the dancing flames, mezmerized - probably a little turned on.
the last bit made me laugh, then cough. I am a little ill (physically, mentally probably a lot ill, like most on here :P)
StyX
(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 9:16, closed)
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