Friendly neighbours
We’ve lived in the same place for close on 20 years and had the same set of neighbours on one side for all that time. As neighbours go, they’ve been mostly more entertaining than annoying, especially in the past few years.

To start with, they’ve been on benefits for most of the time we’ve known them, claiming for a variety of ailments. Despite this, they’ve managed to raise five (yes, five) fairly decent kids. The two eldest are particularly good guys, although we no longer see the oldest son as he had the temerity to marry a woman 20 years his senior, so the family have disowned him.

Then came the incident when they asked me around to look at their computer as they were having dial-up connection problems. They knew me to be a bit of a computer geek and thought I might be able to help.

Needless to say, it worked perfectly while I was looking at it – and downloaded all their e-mails – many of which came from a domain called “Adult Friend Finder”. Somehow I managed to say nothing and refrained from investigating until I got home.

Never has the boot cycle on my PC seemed so long, but I eventually confirmed what I suspected: the neighbours are swingers. Not only that, but a bit of judicious searching found some pictures of them in flagrante with another female, as well as herself bent over the bonnet of their (Motability-provided) people-carrier, flashing gash.

Shortly afterwards, four identical stickers appeared on the corner windows of said motor. Bearing in mind that they ferry their kids around in the car, it was a bit of a surprise to find that the stickers showed the logo of the local swingers’ club (thanks Google image search), but the most frightening encounter happened several weeks later.

Again, their computer had gone on the fritz, probably as a result of downloading gigabytes of pr0n. Hubby came and knocked on the door (I work from home) and asked if I could take a look at the PC. As some of us have to earn our cash, I told him that I’d nip round after work, which I dutifully did.

The missus answered the door, wearing pixie boots, fishnets, a skirt like a pelmet and a tight black top. It was obvious she had no bra on since her tits, after five kids, looked like roof-tilers’ nailbags and were keeping her stomach warm. Now, some people might have been put on guard by this, but this was her normal daytime garb and I can be very naive.

She proceeded to tell me that hubby had fixed the PC, which she thought might have been affected by “some of the sites we visit”. She then explained that these unnamed sites were really good for meeting people and had improved their social life dramatically. In fact, her husband had even been contacted and asked if he wanted to be a pr0n star!

Sometimes, I’m not the brightest of bulbs, but I suddenly began to suspect where this conversation was heading and, choking back the bit of sick that had popped into my mouth, I did what a News of the World reporter would do: made my excuses and left.

Length: about 7" judging from the photo.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Wed 7 Oct 2009, 12:50, 3 replies)

Click for
'looked like roof-tilers’ nailbags '
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 12:58, closed)

I bet you
have had many a wank thinking about this incident and where it might have gone.

clicks
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 14:01, closed)

errrr... No
Given that herself has a face like a blind cobbler's thumb, and that I've already had the misfortune of seeing her spaniel's-ears-like tits when she's chosen to sunbathe topless in the garden (oops, been a bit sick in my mouth again), I can absolutely guarantee that the incident has never, and will never, be brought to mind during any acts of onanism.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Wed 7 Oct 2009, 14:15, closed)