Take the nerd test
- A true nerd is unable to get a tan
- They can't ride a bike properly
- They joke about prime numbers
- They get all nostalgic about their ZX spectrum when sending a fax at work and hear the bleep bleep noises
- They only know one type of swimming stroke which is a non-official one and it more akin to a 20 yr old dog trying to stay afloat in a pool than anything a 'real human' would do
- Their mum used to write notes to get them off sport at school with excuses like 'Mark is allergic to grass' and 'Penelope is scared of tennis balls'.
- Boy nerds throw like girls and girl nerds throw like someone has stuck 400 000 volts up their arse.
- All nerds have at one stage in their life worn glasses that look like they were made out of the bottom of coke bottles.
- Nerds bruise easily
- Nerds count the strokes during wanking to work out exactly how many calories they burn.
- Nerds keep their star trek duvet sets long into their adult lives.

WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL WE ATE NERDS FOR BREAKFAST.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 12:15, 4 replies)

you ate people for breakfast!
Are you Armin Meiwes??
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:40, closed)

I wish...
At least Armin got to eat nice humans. Nerds are really quite chewy and not as nice as they think they might be.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:55, closed)

You're Freddie Blassie, aicmfp.
Back when I was a kid, life was going swell.
Till something happened, blew every thing to hell.
That night my daddy stumbled in, all pale and weak,
Said "A woman up the block just gave birth to a geek."

Mom said, "Sell it to the circus, what the heck."
Dad said, "Nope, this one's a pencil neck.
And if there's one thing lower than a side show freak,
It's a grit eatin', scum suckin', pencil neck geek."

You see if you take a pencil that won't hold lead,
Looks like a pipe cleaner atached to a head,
Add a buggy whip body with a brain that leaks,
You got yourself a grit eatin', pencil neck geek.

(chorus)
Pencil neck geek, grit eatin' freak,
scum suckin', pea head with a lousy physique.
He's a one man, no gut, losing streak.
Nothin' but a pencil neck geek.

Soon the geeks were poppin' up all over town.
You couldn't hardly sneeze without knockin' one down.
After a nice juicy steak, if you need a toothpick,
Just reach for a geek, they'll do the trick.

One day we cut one up for fish bait.
Learned our lesson just a little bit late.
Soon as the geek hit the drink, the water turned red.
Next day, sure enough, all the fish were dead.

chorus

Most any night you know where I can be found.
Yeah, stomping some geek's head into the ground.
So keep the faith 'cause in Blassie you can trust,
I won't give up 'til the last geek bites the dust.

chorus

They say, "these geeks come a dime a dozen."
I'm lookin' for the guy who's supplin' the dimes.
Its gonna be real hard times for all of these
grit eatin',
scum suckin',
boot lickin',
drop kickin',
gut grindin',
nail bitin',
glue sniffin',
scab pickin',
butt scratchin',
egg hatchin',
sleezy,
smelly,
pepper bellied,
dirty, lousy, rotten, stinkin', freaks.
Nothing but a pencil neck geek.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:17, closed)

Eat For Breakfast.
One of my mates favourite stories is of his mate standing at the bar, arguing with a Neanderthal local.

"I eat nerds like you for breakfast" sneered the oaf.

"I'm not interested in your sex life, mate, but thanks for the offer" replied nerd.

He got a beating but claims it was worth it...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 23:56, closed)