Not really sure where I'm going with this, but oh well.
I apologise in advance for any potential long-windedness, I've been mulling this over a few hours.

I've been a B3ta lurker for about 4 years now, and *very* occasional poster. Every week I look forward to the QOTW Best page, to cheer up my Thursday. I love the feeling of community you guys have here, the closeness felt in the posts. Which is why the nicest thing people have done for me is share their stories, to make me laugh, wince and cry, sometimes all at the same time.

Here's my tale:
I'm 22, last year I moved to Canada on a general whimsical idea, I was fed up in England, going nowhere, had dropped out of Uni, was stuck working in a shitty call centre job where abuse was the main subject of discussion. I had dual nationality, as my mum was born here, so decided to take that up and make the shift. Going to cut out all the boring details, but I ended up living with my Uncle and Aunt, who had moved out a couple of years previously. I got yet another shitty call centre job, for a pizza company, again on their customer service (read: abuse line, for stuck up assholes calling because their precious Jeremiah and Tarquin didn't get enough pepperoni on their pizza, and were now demanding free pizzas for life. I digress.) The stress of the job, combined with the times of operation meant I became somewhat reclusive, sleeping through most of the day, and never going out.

In time, I get friendlier with a guy called Kris, who'd been in my training class for this job, and was really the only person I connected with there. We'd meet for lunch, often with one of us 'being on a long call' or just simply 'forgetting to go' to reschedule our lunches to be at the same time. I took the plunge, asked him to come to a baseball game with me, even though he'd just moved into a new place with a random roommate (more on her later), he said he'd love to, but just couldn't afford it. So I said I'd pay. I had a kidney infection at the time, and the drugs I was taking for it put me way under the weather, and could barely eat, but fucked if I was missing this. I think I spent about $300 on that night out, dinner and the game, and souveniers, but it was nice to get out of the house for something other than work for once.

A week later I moved into his apartment, against all advice from other people, it just kinda felt right. I moved in with the 2 of them, it was a nice enough place, plenty of space for 3 and all that, and we worked out a way of splitting rent 3 ways, instead of 2, on the agreement that I'd be helping over the summer, but planned to go University in the Fall. Uni didn't happen due to insufficient funds, and at the beginning of August, the job finally took it's toll. I'd been diagnosed with depression way back in 2004, but it's one of those things I've tried desperately to ignore, and any drugs that I've been given generally haven't worked. The 3 of us agreed that I could quit my job, to focus on getting better. By this point my doctor had referred me for counselling too, which is still yet to come through, 6 months down the line.

Fast forward to now, still not working, but trying to get a job, as I feel like such a burden on my bf, as he's been paying for both of us through these last couple of months. The roommate leaves us a big stinking note telling us how we're crap roommates, making her pay half the rent, etc etc. I won't bore you all with the details, but basically I'm sitting here with the prospect of her kicking us out, the only family who actually care about me are 3500 miles away, and just can't help, even though I know they'd want to. I think about how much I miss my mum, miss my friends, and all the little things too. And then I read through here, it's now 7am, and I've read every single post in this QOTW, and each of it's replies tonight, and it makes me realise that, no matter how much I feel like it sucks, and that maybe it would be better if I was gone, that there really are worse things that could happen. I read the stories of people losing their parents, and it touches a nerve, and makes me realise that I still have my mum to talk to, and that she is only a phone call away.

So I'd like to thank you b3ta, for making me realise that lifes problems may consume you, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. This is the best counselling I could have hoped for, you're all wonderful people, who've really helped me get some perspective on things, to try and work through these issues, rather than hoping they'll go away. So thanks for sharing your lives with me, I've now shared mine with you.

And as a side note, I have the most awesomest friend in the world, who is also b3tan, but more lurker like me. He'll know this is me if he reads this, but I'd just like to thank him for always being there as a friend, not in the traditional, shoulder to cry on sense, but when I'm feeling crap, staying up all night with me to gank Horde on WoW, and linking me all sorts of shit from StumbleUpon to make me giggle. This escapism, and his filthy sense of humour get me through. I'm going to end this waffling now.

Length? Enough to 'splode a puppy.
( Trijian, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:07, 3 replies)

Have a *click*
*wipes eye*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:10, closed)

Stick in there
Depression is not a life sentence. Everything is shinier once you get past it.
Keep going.
( BadBadman saw an incorrect comma placement on, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 14:09, closed)

Your probably aware.
There's a lot of us on here that have gone through depression of one sort or another.

It can and will get better.
( girlinthehole, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 21:21, closed)