My Mum
I write a lot about my Dad, but never mention my Mum (or my sister for that matter).

I was married to someone who I believed I loved and who loved me (I know she loved me, but that's another matter). I was in this relationship for all the wrong reasons and I, while I don't like to admit it, treated her very unfairly - I'm not proud of that at all - we married and had a child all because I felt it was all something I should be doing.

(I do have a point, by the way).

My (now ex) wife was the most unsociable, closed person I've ever met - nowadays, I wouldn't have given her time of day, but when we met - I did. She didn't go out, didn't drink, didn't eat spicy food or fish and only really cared about her family and her interests.

Those of you that know me will know that that's the total opposite of me - I realised too late in life.

She didn't care for my family and seemed to take great effort (subconsciously) in alienating me from them - especially my Mum - who never liked her really anyway.

My Mum was (and still is) one of the most important people in my life and she'd always been supportive of me and I of her - we'd supported each other when my Dad died, she supported me ceaselessly through my darker university days when I was going to quit after my mugging, she offered me advice and guidance and specifically told me to consider long and hard about the marriage (but didn't tell me to NOT get married).

My ex had no interest in my family and seemed to be happy to remove me from my Mum and all contact from her which I initially resisted, but then I went along with it - phone calls every other day went to once a week, to once a month to once every three months - and I'd never want to talk to her to say hello and if she called and my ex answered - JTW was busy.

I, on the face of it, had alienated my Mum as she had stopped calling, stopped inviting me over (like you need an invite from your Mum) and stopped trying to involve me in family.

Looking back, I treated my Mum horrendously.

Last year - or was it 2 years ago now - my marriage broke down horrendously (and finally).

Who was there to pick me up, help me, counsel me, guide me, love me? My Mum.

She called me when she found out about it and talked to me, tried to help me see what I should be doing (like trying to save the marriage) and tried to be there for me - unfortunately, my mind was still closed to help and I still pushed her away.

She didn't give up and when I hit close to rock bottom, she all but told me to pack a bag from wherever I was and move back in with her - no arguing or messing. Which is what I did for a month while I sorted myself out.

I'd lost over a stone in weight (which, for me was quite an achievement) and was a gibbering wreck - and I went teetotal for the whole time I was there. I was getting better. My Mum talked to me, made me listen, helped me to help her to understand the inevitability of it all and brought me back towards the person that I was.

I'm not there yet, but I am getting there. I still talk to my Mum a lot, sometimes 3-4 times a week, sometimes only once a week. But they're quality conversations and I no longer argue with her.

So, my Mum, the nicest thing she's ever done for me? She stood by me when I was doing my utmost to push her away. She didn't turn her back on her son when she could, very easily, have done so. She gave me the unconditional love that a parent bestows upon their child.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:33, 8 replies)

Mums
FTW.

They are the most amazing people in the world.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:33, closed)

mums are the best
i'm not crying i've just got something in both my eyes

have a click for your mum
x
(rosie-pie, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:36, closed)

:)
Me too, when I re-read that over and think about what I did and what she has done.

Oh God, I'm off again...
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:10, closed)

Yep!
Mums rule. *clicks*

By the way, JTW, I've always enjoyed your writings. Post more, dammit! :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:13, closed)

Aww
Aww, thanks - they're just random brain dumps though, but I do try :)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:03, closed)

James...
I swear you are my brother. Do you have an older bossy sister?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 5:21, closed)

Yep
Yes, I do

She's great these days though :)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 9:05, closed)

Awwww
Also had the whole partner trying to split you up from your family and friends thing with my ex. And I also put my Mom through it, much the same. And, much the same, she's still always there for me, Pink Goddess and DemiGod. So awwww, Moms are ace.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 22:18, closed)