Bad driving
A few years ago, whilst out with my then girlf (now wife), we were driving through Hyde Park, when I let out an inauspicious fart. I'd failed my driving test (failed to navigate round a stationary object) and drawn the brown moth.

As we'd not known each other long, I didn't feel I could bring it up in polite conversation, and just asked to go home to change my pants on the qt.

I put a bath on, and lay in it feeling iller and iller. I realised I'd been poisoned and was about to puke, so I got out of the bath but collapsed on the way to the toilet.

I didn't have the strength to lift myself off the floor, so just puked into the toilet from there, but unfortunately my arse didn't hold out, and I started squirting fizzy gravy onto her reclaimed scaffolding boards.

Realising something was amiss, my girlf rushed to get a mixing bowl which she held under my arse whilst I puked, shat, and pissed simultaneously. She emptied the bowl into the sink whilst I carried on puking into the toilet.

It was only after a couple of mins that she pointed out it might be more sensible to sit on the toilet and puke into the basin...but, whilst I regained my strength, she hung on in there.

A noble act :)
(Countryslicker, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 13:21, 10 replies)

*pushes lunch away*
.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 13:23, closed)

A latecomer ladies and gentlemen...
... but I think you'll all agree that it's destined to make "best of" this week.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 7 Oct 2008, 13:51, closed)

aaaah this is more like it
Something nice *and* scatalogical at the same time.
( rofl harris, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 13:30, closed)

For Christ's sake...
...am I the only one here who DOESN'T regularly regress to shitting helplessly like a newborn baby?

Every time I read one of these, I think "you need help if your bowels still defeat you this often". God!
(Musuko, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 13:39, closed)

she's a better woman than me
one look at that and I'd have chucked up on you!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 7 Oct 2008, 13:39, closed)

Mate
I feel your pain. I had a virus a few months back, which had similar symptoms.

"It's both ends! It's Both Ends!"
(ShitBitch, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 14:18, closed)

Something very similar happened to me
but as I was bending over the toilette to puke a jet of my own fizzy gravy sprayed up the wall.

I remember looking back and being simultaneously horrified, surprised and a little bit impressed at the height and spread.

My girlfriend attended to my dirty protest without a complaint. Gawdbless'er.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 7 Oct 2008, 16:07, closed)

Pop
by for a cake, any time. :)
(Countryslicker, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 16:52, closed)

I'll have you know
I once managed to puke, piss and shit simultaneously, in a bush, without getting any of it on me. I cleaned myself thoroughly with some handy leaves and left as if nothing had ever happened. I'm still proud of that one.
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 21:42, closed)

Part horrified
Part amused.

*click*
(GirlOfTheWorld, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 14:44, closed)