Epilogue
After the year of Mrs. D, I had another teacher for the last two years of primary school. Unlike Mrs. D, I did not like this new teacher, but had leaned to accept what life threw at me so just behaved as expected.

While it was good that I had overcome my troubles, I think I may have over-compensated a bit. I tried so hard to be normal that I suppressed my true self (my imagination, weirdness etc.) and grew up too quickly (suppressed my childhood) (see future QOTW for how I overcame that). Thank god for computer games and my newly acquired computer, which seemed for some time to be the only outlet for my playfulness.

My shyness still persisted. I did have some friends, but more and more of my spare time was spent playing with my computer (in my teen years, I would be a shy nerd of the garden variety).

In the last two years of primary school there were one or two relapses to my old ways with regards to being 'over affectionate'. In hindsight, I now see that these relapses coincide with periods of low self-esteem. But once I got to my final term of primary school, my self-esteem improved to the point of no return (that's a story for another time).

So what became of the characters in my story?

'I' still lived in the same street as me for another four years after I started the English school. I would occasionally see her a few times in the street for next 4 or so years but never would I speak to her. She finally left in 1984 and I haven't heard anything about her since.

'P' left after about a year and I’ve not heard anything about her either. However, I did come across a member of her posse a few years later at secondary school. At first, I felt a bit awkward as I saw her as a metaphor for this by then long forgotten past who had come back to haunt me, but thankfully none of these events were ever brought up and I quickly de-associated her from the past. She only stayed in that school for one year.

'M' was soon left alone by me. The following year, she befriended my sister and even once came to my house to play with sister. I joined in the fun and did not revert to my old ways.

The story behind Miss C is somewhat of an enigma. Every time I ask my parents, they say that they made an agreement to not discuss what happened, but the gist of it was that she ended up being taken to court for offering a sub-standard education.

Miss L stayed on as a supply teacher until I left the school. She would occasionally take over when my regular teacher wasn't there. At first, I felt a bit odd being a well-behaved pupil instead of what she had come to expect of me, but I soon got used to it.

Mrs. D left the school at the end of the year I had with her. My parents still correspond with her.

My parents made me see the child psychiatrist for some time afterwards. Many years later, I heard through the grapevine that his wife committed suicide (this does explain a lot).

As for me, I had had my faith restored and was now eager to do what was expected of me. When I looked back at first, I felt more embarrassed at what had happened and whenever I did, it was as if a hand reached out from inside my brain to drag my focus back to the present. This meant I didn't have many chances to reflect or feel sorry for all those nasty things I did, I just moved on.

This 'doing what was expected of me' may have caused me to 'go with the flow' more often, and possibly be an origin of my laid back attitude I'm known for. Also, my keen-ness to become 'normal' again might have been how I nurtured my enthusiasm, perseverance and indomitable spirit.

This episode of my life story was repressed. At first, I stopped myself from looking back, and by the time I decided to stop doing that, I did not think of this much because it hadn't been thought of much. This has been one of my most well kept secrets. I've not mentioned it to anyone before - even my friend of 20+ years who went on an epic two month backpacking trek with me after he got divorced doesn't know any of this.

As I said before, I am not proud of what I did. If I could, I would track down and apologise to each and every person who this affected - even those who were shocked that there was someone who could even contemplate doing such things. Although to be perfectly honest, when I look back at it now, even though I consider my former self to be a cunt of the highest order, I can say with all honesty that I feel more sorry for myself than I do for my victims.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 21:10, 2 replies)

That was quite epic
I wrote more stuff but it came across as me being on a soapbox which wasn't my intention.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 21:27, closed)

*click*
^
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 21:27, closed)