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Thanks for the responses.

It was hard writing this. It took ages to write, and at times, I wasn't sure if I would even decide to post what I had written - this put me off writing it for a bit because I never knew if it would just remain on a forgotten cluster of my hard drive. I've often seen people react to QOTW posts where they did something they're not proud of but letting it all out in a positive way. I honestly had no idea if what I was posting would cross the line, but as usual, the responses have been typical of many QOTW stories. Over the years, it has been hard to describe what I've been through because I was the antagonist of the story and I was worried that anyone who listens/reads would have turned against me. Because of this, the story has remained untold ... until now. I'm very glad I had an opportunity to share. On each page of an open QOTW, it says "Tell us your story". This never seemed more appropriate.

For many years afterwards, I tried to avoid thinking about any of this. This was mostly successful and I just got on with life without letting it bother me or haunt me in any way. I would occasionally browse parts of my past when my brain did not have much else to do. However, last year, when this happened, light was shed on some long-forgotten memories - especially from before the time before I went to an English-speaking school. For example, for the first time in more than 25 years, I realised just how deep my crush on 'I' was (this had been completely forgotten about). Using my experiences I had acquired over the years, I was able to put this in context, develop theories, use my theories to shed light on more events, find that things fitted together, and built up a whole picture that explained a lot of things that happened in the story. In fact, it was only as recently as last year that I realised it was Mrs. D who gets credit for 'fixing' me. Also, this made me truly aware of just what my parents had gone through. I decided to just let these repressed memories out into the open and let them wash over me completely unhindered so I could gain insight into myself. Learning things about myself is something I've been keen on for a while, but this has been one of the most revealing experiences yet.

As for not having had an easy life, I could go on about people in third world countries or people who experience the horrors of war firsthand or the victims of the Romanian orphanages etc., but at the end of the day, it's all relative. Things did get better in my late childhood, and I do have plenty of fond childhood memories as well.

This story will be continued in a future QOTW.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 3:26, Reply)