It was a first date...
It started off OK, we'd pottered around the finest local watering holes, we'd talked, laughed, found common ground on lots of things, then came closing time, I suggested sharing a cab, because we lived near each other. My date suggested stopping for a last one in one of Leicester's finest late bars, I concurred because I really fancied another pint. This is probably mistake one.

We sat outside in the yard, laughing and talking about parenthood, or somesuch, then I heard "Hya Beery, howareyeh?" I turned around to see my best mate's drinking buddy, a little the worse for wear, I only knew him as Nightmare, so that's how I introduced him to my date, he joined us, oblivious to my heavy hints that this probably wasn't a good time. Strike two, I believe..
The girls from the local stripclub then came through, stamping people's hands, for free entry, including mine. She then joined us, since she knew Nightmare and she and I were soon deep in conversation about breasts, she showed me her tiny scars from her implants, we then compared breasts for size and heft, I was blissfully unaware that my date had returned from the gents, as we appeared to be mid grope. strike three?

Two other guys joined us, and matters of the bedroom cropped up in the talking. Including female ejaculation. At which point my date looked at me and whispered "Do they. Really?" with a look on his face like I'd have to explain about Santa Claus next. I tried to reassure him that I'd "Tell you later" I squeezed his leg and left it at that.

We got into that taxi, and he jumped on me, he turned out to be an enthusiastic tonsil hockey player, and as his hand went to the small of my back, he stopped dead. "Here, is that a thong?" he asked breathlessly. I always wear them, so I really wasn't sure what he was driving at.

It wasn't until I got home and pieced the whole night together, that I saw the night from his point of view. He must think that's what a quiet night out with Beer Elf is always like.. No wonder he never called me.
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 12:23, 2 replies)

I couldn't follow this at all
Am I thick or just old?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:25, closed)

s'ok..
I'm old as well, probably doesn't help any.. I'll edit in a minute..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 17:10, closed)