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This is a question Nights Out Gone Wrong

In celebration of the woman who went out for a quiet drink with friends after work, and ended up half naked, kicking a copper in the nads and threatening to smear her own shit over hospital staff, how have your best-laid plans ended in woe?

(, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:02)
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The biggest blunder on Earth, there are far too many stories of woe surrounding the Man with Many Nicknames so I shall recount the most horrifying.

The scene: a squat party someone in the darkest depths of Hackney. The time: 2007 or thereabouts, and around the time of our protagonist's mid-February birthday.

Now, Crevs is well known for being unable to remain human under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Borderline insanity beckons after a line of ketamine, so you'd think that two tabs of extremely strong acid might be best avoided.

Not so Crevens! After dropping one he immediately drops the second, claims he feels alright, and then vanishes. He's discovered minutes later standing in a toilet - in the actual toilet - having dropped one shoe down and trying to flush it clean, losing the other shoe to the watery depths in the process.

Alright, thinks our associate who discovered this misdeed, not such a bad blunder for the man who broke his foot on a children's roundabout aged 19. Let's dry his feet off best we can and get back to the party.

Whereupon he promptly disappears again.

Twenty minutes later, and he reappears on the balcony of some sort of mezzanine floor, naked except for the shoes he recovered earlier, clearly tripping his very visible balls off. At this point, he recounted when sobered, he "realised" that he could "change reality", and - as you do - set about doing such a thing.

Unhappy with this naked ginger man upsetting all and sundry, a number of unknowns decide to take him down. However, being slightly LSDeluded as he was, he kept getting back up when floored, as he thought he could "easily take on the hardest ten blokes in the room". Except there were only two of them, and one was a girl. Whose nose he proceeded to break rather badly.

An ambulance is called and our hero is dragged outside. Unfortunately he wasn't for waiting around, so another friend had to keep him in one place by hugging him, and eventually by tripping him up and laying on him. All this while Crevs writhes around naked sporting a rather sizeable hard-on.

Dispatched to the hospital, he wakes up the following morning in Charing Cross, gets dressed (in clothes belonging to another friend that he had mysteriously acquired, and two non-matching shoes), discharges himself against medical advice, picks a direction, and miraculously ends up at King's Cross at the same time as everyone else from the party, to catch an early train back to good old Neots.

No-one can comfortably discuss this event to this day - those who looked him in the eye said it was to see the sole of a madman.

Length? His flapping about in the breeze was the worst bit.
(, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 9:02, 4 replies)
"the sole of a madman"
Is that a sneaky pun I see before me?
(, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 12:00, closed)
Terrible puns are the mainstay of everything.
(, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:19, closed)

I like to think that 'sole of a madman' was a deliberate pun given his shoe-based antics

I hope that he made amends with the lady whose face he broke?!
(, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 12:01, closed)
^^ great minds...
(, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 12:02, closed)

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