so, the first time was when i went out one night in brighton
a club called the gloucester i think. rock night. bit of a mosh. happy days.
suddenly everyone falls over, i think, all i mainly remember is feeling my knee bend the wrong way and there being what i can only describe as a crunch as the happy group of moshers fall, mainly onto me.
agony ensued, and i limped to the bar and promptly ordered double vodka and orange x2 to numb the pain. i did this repeatedly, until i was so drunk i had to sit on the floor. a girl gave me her number at some point, i couldn't even talk i don't think so how the fuck that happened i have no idea. my friends decided to go to a party and, what with me now being so drunk they helped me, one on each side, out of the club and down the road ignoring my protests that i couldn't walk, assuming this to be alcohol related and not injury related and pausing every now and again when i threw up. the party wasn't even on, i remember that, after what seemed like eternity, the big door opened a crack and a general no party air eminated from the address.
eventually i got myself together enough to take a look at my leg.
this revealed a hugely swollen leg, it was like two legs in one, and my friends immediately called an ambulance which took me away in a whirl of painkillers and friendly paramedics.
it was 5 weeks before i was mobile again, i spent this time lying on my bed talking rubbish on the internet, and at some point during this time decided to use my webcam to photograph this:

the swelling had subsided somewhat however the bruise was now from my groin to my ankle, and some of it was still visible nearly TWO years later. apparently i'd ruptured a ligament in my knee. if i stood up the gravity force on my leg made my knee feel like it was going to explode. toilet trips were a real drag.
learning from my past mistakes i went out with my friend to crawley two years ago, i drank a reasonable amount of vodka to lube me up, it certainly worked and in bar med where they were playing cheesey choons, and, with no-one on the dance floor except us we linked arms and danced to cotton eye joe, swinging round each other laughing hard, round and round we went, laughing as the world spun and continuing to laugh as i slipped over backwards onto the floor throwing my drink into the air. my friend laughed even harder when it was almost instantly apparent that i'd broken my wrist, quite nastily. i stopped laughing at that point and seeked medical attention. off to hospital again where they gave me drugs which made me forget stuff and i woke up in a cast. it was purple (look, here's me braving my obvious life threatening injury to feed the wildlife, what a guy!)

and it delayed me doing my first solo skydive for a whole two months. i completed that without the aid of alcohol and without bursting or breaking or tearing anything at all. if only i'd had some vodka i might have had another tale to tell.. or not! oh i almost forgot, my friends called me 'Joe' for fucking ages, cunts.
pretty sexy eh? - and sexy splits too!
( Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 1:48, 2 replies)

Ah, the Gloucester.
I did a very similar thing in that place. My then girlfriend playfully pushed me over outside, as I was dancing around camply (note: alcohol may have been involved. Slightly. Also she wasn't even my girlfriend at the time; it was the night I got with her. But anyway...).

I stepped on a kerb and my ankle decided that it had had enough for the night and was going to fuck off sideways.

It was the start of the night, so we decided it would be a better idea to carry on drinking.

I eventually went to hospital three days later, in Bournemouth.
( gone, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 9:05, closed)

it looks like you nicked that leg off a corpse
are your pins really that pasty white?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 23:27, closed)