I've never been buggered by a viking
But I came perilously close to being banged up in a Swedish jail once.

Pre-marriage, I was visiting Mrs Huple Pelmet in her home town of Stockholm. It was before the days of airports checking every single bag and - stupidly, I know - I had thrown a small amount of smokeable but illegal material in my bag. (I am shaking my own head now at the cocky twat I was.)

I have subsequently encountered sniffer dogs on several occasions entering Sweden but back then I wasn't aware on how keen the Swedish authorities were on using our four-legged friends to nab dope-smugglers.

They often position the dogs round a corner, so you get no warning. I nearly shat myself when, in a queue of people coming off the plane, I rounded the corner and about five yards away were a couple of spaniels sniffing everyone's case as they trundled by. I looked dead ahead, and as the dog sniffed my bag, and continued sniffing as I strode ahead, I pretended I hadn't noticed.

Then: "Excuse me sir. Sir? Over here please sir. " I was directed to the long benches and a lady officer asked me to open up my square zip-up case. I knew the little wrap of dope would be the first thing she would see. God knows how I got away with the next bit, but I did. As I opened the case with the lid towards her (i.e. so she couldn't see inside). At the same time, I slung the bag that had been over my shoulder onto the desk in front of her, saying, "would you like to look in this one as well?" The second her attention was distracted by the other bag,I smoothly grabbed the packet in my right hand and sort of palmed it, magician-style. I then folded my arms, right palm against my left upper arm, concealing the packet.

She searched my bags. Found nowt. Probably wondered why I was grey and sweating clammily, mind. She smiled at me. "Thank you." (No - thank YOU. The Swedes, unlike many nations, take a very dim view of the ol' cannabis resin and back then - and for all I know, still - a short jail sentence would have been a distinct probability.)

I've not done that since. A small amount of hashish can, I now find, be concealed in one's mouth ready to be simply swallowed in extremis.
(Hurple Pelmet, Fri 27 Jan 2012, 14:47, 1 reply)

Good work
I used to live in Malmo and I used to just get the train to Copenhagen, nip up to Christiania, buy as much as you like and then get the train back to Sweden.
(Speshal, Sat 28 Jan 2012, 11:46, closed)