Interview with a Psychic
First of all, I'd like to offer up a prayer of thanks to the Gods of B3ta - this off topic board is the greatest idea this website has ever had.

Che's writing challenge - a 500 word short story based on the week's QOTW - is a brilliant idea. I thought I'd take up the gauntlet.

Here's my story:

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I have something to tell you. You probably won't believe me - no-one ever does, but I had to tell someone.

I have a terrible affliction. Some people may call it a 'gift,' but I think of it as a disease. It has made my life unimaginably worse off - it's a curse, a millstone I have to wear around my neck every single day.

I can hear people's thoughts. I'm psychic. See, I knew you wouldn't believe me. Alright then, think of a number. 7. Think of a colour. Blue. Think of your happiest childhood memory. It was when you were 6, and you got that puppy you had always wanted.

I've told you how I know - I'm psychic. I wish I wasn't, but I am.

What do you mean, that would be amazing? Do you really want to hear the thoughts of everyone around you? Every single person? Hear what they're planning to have for dinner, the petty things that annoy them, all their fears and insecurities? You can't turn it off. You hear every thought that runs through their minds. Sometimes, when I'm walking through a large crowd, I don't even know which thoughts are mine.

Can you imagine it - knowing exactly what everyone thinks of you? Knowing if they're lying when they say you look nice? Knowing when they're only laughing at your jokes out of politeness? Knowing when they think you look rough, or ugly? Knowing when they're being fake, or dishonest, or only pretending to be interested in you? Do you have any idea how selfish most people are? How boring they are?

I have to constantly fight against temptation to use my 'powers' to do wrong. Some days, it seems like it would be easier to just give in, and become a criminal. I could walk into a bank and overhear someone's bank details, how much is in their account, their PIN codes and passwords. I know when someone's going away on holiday, where they live and whether they have a dog or a burglar alarm. It would be the easiest thing in the world to become a professional thief, housebreaker or conman. If I was ever caught, I would know exactly what evidence the police had on me, and what to say to get away with it. I can't do it, however - it would go against everything I stand for. I couldn't live with myself. So I don't give in to the dark thoughts. I struggle with them every single day, but I don't give in.

It's hard - some days, I think it would be easier just to end it all, take a gun and blow all the thoughts out of my head forever. And then I wonder if those are really my thoughts, or those of a passing stranger who is suicidal. It's getting harder and harder to tell...

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It's 486 words long. I wrote it in half an hour in one continous sitting, so it's probably a bit rough, but I posted it in the hopes of getting some feedback. Feel free to be brutally honest.
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 18:52, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Another very Stephen King(ish) one
Reminded me of the main guy in Tommyknockers a lot.

Nicely written :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 20:26, Reply)

This story definitely has 'legs'
meaning it has great potential for being longer. I want to know about how it's getting harder and harder to tell which thoughts are the psychics and which are just passing people's.

The character needs a situation, a plot to be in now...some sort of problem to deal with or sort out which will help (or not) with the thoughts.

Great start!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 22:26, Reply)

It has legs
and if I didn't respect you and your work, I think I'd take it under my own wing and run with it.
( Maladicta, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 1:08, Reply)

Really nice little piece PF
There's room for a lovely twist at the end - but you'll have to wait for that eureka moment. Meanwhile, re-read it and hone the odd word or two until you know it off by heart.

The 500 word target is really useful for forcing very tough editing.

I want it on my desk by 9.00am Monday or there'll be trouble young man!


EDIT: Just a thought, but what is the person you're talking to thinking now?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 8:43, Reply)

Very good.
I really like it, it's a great idea.

Have you read Perfume by Patrick Suskind? The section where he goes off to live in a cave could provide some good inspiration as a potential route.

I'd like him to become a super villain though...
( Moey, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:49, Reply)

@ Chickenlady, Becky and Gunter
Cheers for the kind words. I am actually thinking of adding to this, and see where the story goes. I'm still considering which direction to take it, but I'll post again when I've got more.

@ Maladicta

If you want to take it and run with it, feel free. I don't have a problem with people using my writing to come up with their own ideas. It would be a great compliment, and I'd love to read your take on the character.

@ Che

I think my next edit will take it way over the 500 words - there's still a few more things I want to touch on. The one-sided conversation style will start to lose it's impact, and I don't want to stretch it to breaking point, so I was thinking of going either first-person or third-person, but I can't quite decide which is best.

I'll ponder it over the weekend...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 22:14, Reply)