My gran
My mad Irish grandmother is a family legend.

There are too many classics to go into here, but here's a few for your consideration.

If she sees a bird or animal washing itself, she'll say it's pruning itself. (I think she may mean "preening", but knowing her as I do I can't be 100% sure.)

She once sent me a "deepest sympathy" card for my birthday. When challenged about it, she said she "liked the flower on the front". That's all right then...

My stepdad, god bless his long suffering heart, was giving her a lift into town one day. So there he is, tootling along, with her sitting in the passenger seat making her usual inane comments. Suddenly she clutches his arm and screams "watch out John, there's a bus coming!" Stepdad nearly drives into a lamppost. Turns out there was indeed a bus coming...it was pulling into a bus stop ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING ROAD.

And finally; one Christmas, the family are sitting around the table eating the usual Christmas din dins. Mad Gran is rambling on as per, and everyone is more or less ignoring her - as per. Suddenly she starts yapping on about an actress..."you know that woman... that woman....you know her...yes you do..." etc for about 15 minutes. My exasperated mother eventually said "no, mother, I have no idea who you're talking about." Mad Gran falls silent for a couple of minutes. Then she says "I remember her name! It's Facility Kendall!"

My sister and I nearly wet ourselves laughing.

It concerns us both that we have inherited genetic information from this woman....
(pideypuss, Thu 11 Mar 2004, 16:47, Reply)