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This is a question Advice from Old People

Sometimes, just sometimes, old people say something worth listening to. Ok, so it's like picking the needle out of a whole haystack of mis-remembered war stories, but those gems should be celebrated.

Tell us something worthwhile an old-type person has told you.

Note, we're leaving the definition of old up to you, you smooth-skinned youngsters.

(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 16:16)
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Old people rock.
It's one of the rare slow nights in A&E, and I get assigned a 'PFO', which is short for 'pissed, fell over'.

The patient in question was a sprightly 75 year old, who, despite being the correct side of half a bottle of whiskey, was surprisingly lucid. Well, except when he tried to walk, but he was all there otherwise. A long chat started, and I find out this old boy was a former member of the British Army, served in the SAS, and became a security guard for a lesser prince of the Saudi Royal Army. Not only that, he had 11 children, his youngest turning 11 next month.

Realising that he wasn't your common or garden PFO, I noticed a lot of odd scars in odd places. Each one, it turned out, had a story. Here are the more memorable.

1. 5cm scar across the back of his right hand. Sustained when in Beijing ('Now, let's just say - I wan't meant to be there, if you know what I mean'), quelling a riot. A young man has taken a swipe at him with a knife, and he sustained a defensive laceration.

2. Multiple longitudinal scars across both forearms. Sustained when throwing the above assailant through a shop window.

3. Gunshot wound to chest. Sustained whilst under the employ of the Saudi prince as stated above ('He loved to give the impression that he was a good muslim, which was complete and utter bollocks. He was a wanker of the highest order and couldn't hold his fucking drink'). Turned out he couldn't shoot straight, and my patient had copped it in the chest which said spoiled lesser Royal shot him.

3(a). In addition, he may have chased the perp down the the stairs, and shot him in the arse ('Oh god', I said, 'were you happier?' 'No,' said he ' I was aiming for his head...')

4. Multiple healed lacerations to the back ('Jealous girlfriend - but she was so beautiful! These Vietamese girls...!')

He was just simply awesome to chat to. And a complete gentleman too - much better than the BBC exec who came in the next day, similary PFO'd, who behaved like a complete cunt*.

*in fact, his behaviour was the worst I had ever seen of any patient, only recently surpassed by a not-confused guy throwing his own poo at nurses.
(, Sat 21 Jun 2008, 18:05, Reply)

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