OMG ... it's Excel!
I was moving on to greener pastures within the organisation and was asked to train someone to track certain files after I'd gone. Piece of pie, methinks.

"Ok," I tell the aged dear when I get to her desk, "Just open __ file and click on this spreadsheet." She does so. Silence.

(Worried voice.) "It's Excel."

"Yes. Yes it is. Now, just..."

"Well, we're in trouble."

"We... pardon?"

"I don't know Excel. What do I do?"

One of two things happened next.

"You mean to tell me, you baby boomer menopausal hippie, that you work for _____ and you don't know how to use a basic Excel spreadsheet?! And I was cleaning office buildings after I got my degree because you and all your baby boomer friends took all the good jobs so it took me 20 years to get hired on here and now you're all going to retire to your bloody cabins at the bloody lake in a year because you've got your 25 years in while I was cleaning toilets and you can't even use a basic bloody Excel spreadsheet??" And then I bashed her with the mouse repeatedly.

Or:

"*Sigh* Ok, that's ok, well, no, don't worry, here's what you do..." and then I spent 30 minutes explaining how to type words and numbers into the little boxes and click Save.

Yes, of course it was Option 2, because I am a decent human being and a law-abiding citizen. But oh, how I wanted to dish out some verbal abuse that would have got me called up before an anti-harassment committee and we'd still be having meetings about it. But who wants that?
(socialised_medicine quietly returns to Saskatchewan for Lurkfest 2007, Sat 23 Sep 2006, 0:54, Reply)