On the stageToo shy to ever appear on stage myself, I still hung around theatres like a bad smell when I was younger - lighting and set design were what I was good at.
Backstage we'd attempt to sabotage every production - us lighting geeks would wind up the sound man by putting the remote "pause" button for his reel-to-reel tape machine on his chair, so when he sat down it'd start running, ruining his cues. Actors would do scenes out of order to make our lives hell. It was great and I don't know why I don't still do it.
Tell us your stories of life on the stage.
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chthonic, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 11:02)
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CocktailsI have a friend called Martin who did the whole drama school business. Now at these schools, the number one rule is 'don't corpse' (that's getting giggling fits for all you non-thesps). The punishment for this would be the drama teacher making you stand in front of the class and haranguing you in a Sgt. Hartman (Full Metal Jacket) stylee. "Are you happy you ruined everyone's performance? Are you proud you ruined the hard work of the whole cast?" kind of thing.
Despite this there was quite a keen contest to see who could make who corpse and in what imaginitive ways. The week before the end of year performance that they would all be graded on, Martin was currently in the lead. During dialogue between him and his main rival in the previous weeks rehearsal he had spent the whole time muttering obscenities under his breath while his colleague was speaking his lines, loud enough for them to hear but no one else. Therefore when his colleague suddenly burst out laughing no one knew it was because Martin had just whispered to him "You're not even good enough to be Richard Madeley's fluffer'.
Martin relaxed with a seemingly unassailable lead. Until, that is, the night of the big performance. One of the many climactic scenes took place in a cafe between Martin and a girl playing his wife. The scene was supposed to reach a crescendo shortly after the waiter brought them their drinks. The wife said something cutting, Martin was meant to down his drink in one, call her a 'selfish bitch' and storm out of the imaginary cafe. Easy. The problem was that Martin's rival was playing the waiter and, being that Martin was so engrossed in the dialogue, waiting for his cue and doing his best 'angry face', he didn't notice the smirk on his co-stars face as he did so. The girl finished her line, he began to down his water and that was the moment he noticed the condom floating in it.
Instinctively he spat his drink all over his shocked-looking 'wife' and, quickly recovering, called her a selfish bitch while openly laughing in her face before running off in hysterics.
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Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 2 Dec 2005, 12:36,
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