Graduation Day
It's amazing what even ten seconds worth of being centre stage can do to the poor human brain. Probably the funniest two both happened on the day I graduated and I still can't figure out which one was the winner.

It's possibly the fat, hairy boy who tries to pretend that looking like a freak is 'alternative'. Carrying out his life in his 'own way' where he 'doesn't play by the rules'. In reality he doesn't play by the rules until mummy finds out and gets angry. In general, he thinks he's cool but everyone else thinks he's a total gimp. This can be proven when he crosses the stage to collect his degree and, realising the time to assert his 'obvious' coolness is right now, stops, turns to the audience and gives everyone the peace sign. The near-constant applause suddenly drops to a polite finger tapping noise and above the murmurs a voice sails from the back of the hall hollering "FUCK OFF YOU FAT TWAT!" He is unique in the fact that I've never seen anyone else's face so clearly telegraph the crushing of their hope, spirit and dreams so quickly and entertainingly

The other candidate was the girl whose brain simply imploded under the attention. Despite spending a good hour or so watching people walk up the stairs on the right, collect their degree, then walk down the stairs on the left she obviously couldn't grasp this complicated proceedure. She walked up the stairs on the right, collected her degree (all the while smiling) and then for some completely inexplicable reason turned hard left and just walked off the front of the stage, six feet down and into some potted plants. I wouldn't care, but the audience were as lit as the stage, she must have seen the drop coming as she walked towards it!

On second thoughts, maybe we're all winners. Well, except them of course.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 3 Dec 2005, 0:35, Reply)