On the stageToo shy to ever appear on stage myself, I still hung around theatres like a bad smell when I was younger - lighting and set design were what I was good at.
Backstage we'd attempt to sabotage every production - us lighting geeks would wind up the sound man by putting the remote "pause" button for his reel-to-reel tape machine on his chair, so when he sat down it'd start running, ruining his cues. Actors would do scenes out of order to make our lives hell. It was great and I don't know why I don't still do it.
Tell us your stories of life on the stage.
(
chthonic, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 11:02)
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My name is Tallulah, I'm dressed like a whore...It’s 1988 and out local young person’s theatre group are doing a production of Bugsy Malone. I’d auditioned (rather well I thought, my rendition of Memories from Cats brought a tear to the eye of the director, dahling…). So I waited for the cast list to be announced… and there it was, next to my name… Knuckles. I was playing a bloke. Not Tallulah, the sexy star of the piece but a sodding bit part and a man to boot. I had a quiet word with the director who pointed out that the fact that the guy playing Bugsy had barely gone through puberty and as I was six foot and blessed with a chest flatter than an X factor contestant’s singing, it wasn’t really appropriate casting me as a sex kitten.
Rehearsals duly followed and I did my best not to be insanely jealous of the voluptuous 14 year old who’d landed the part of Tallulah. She had frilly little costumes, while I was stuck in a 3 piece suit that someone had probably died in. She got to wear false eyelashes and red lipstick; I got to wear a moustache drawn on with eye pencil.
Finally the big opening night arrived. Now being a local group with limited cash, most of our moveable furniture props consisted of polystyrene boxes. They could be stacked to make a wall, used as tables and chairs and generally, with a little effort, be transformed into anything. For Tallulah’s big number, they were being used as part of the dance routine, with Tallulah finishing the song atop one of the boxes in a classic showbiz, jazz hands style. I’m watching in the wings as she sings her heart out – everyone in the audience is mesmerised. She climbs on the box for the final bar of the song and…
Her stilettos go through the polystyrene. She lost her balance totally and went arse over tit, backwards, with the block still kebabed on her shoes and her pants on full display. Everyone rushed to help her, stuck as she was like an upended turtle. They pulled the block off her shoes and she jumped up, slightly teary and a bit winded, but did an oh-so-professional “ta-daaaaah” ending and got a bloody standing ovation.
Me? I stood in the wings and laughed until some wee came out.
(, Mon 5 Dec 2005, 12:48, Reply)
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