not even remotely first! yay!
and now here's the story.

when i was but a little smash, i was playing outside with my brother and his friends. they were rolling each other about the place in a very large concrete sewer pipe, which was due to replace the old pipes. these things weigh a couple of tons.
as i was talking to my brother, the pipe came towards us. i didn't realise it was so close, until the end of it rolled over my foot.
i didn't feel any pain at first, but about 5 seconds later, it struck with a vengeance. my foot balloned rapidly, hulk-style, ripping off my shoe as it did so. it swelled so much and so fast that the middle of my foot split open, pushing the foot innards outwards. of course, i screamed the fucking place down. my brother, who was meant to be looking after me, went the colour of boiled shit. putting his arm round me for support, he tried to help me walk home. as soon as i tried to put weight on my now mangled foot, i hit the deck, embedding gravel into my knee in the process. my brother and his mates had to carry me.
when my parents got home(it was dad's birthday, they'd gone for a meal), mum immediately phoned an ambulance and got me to hospital. x-rays showed that the foot was crushed and 3 toes were broken. i spent 3 days lying at a 45 degree angle, in order for the bones to fall back into place. it took 8 weeks before i could walk again.
trust me, it was one hell of an ouch.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 17:42, 4 replies)

OUCH INDEED!!!

( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 0:17, closed)

there's a scar in the middle of my foot now
that i can stick pins in without feeling it.
it's a bugger to walk in heels, though
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 0:31, closed)

OW
OW oh fucking ow
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 16:29, closed)

it's all good now
you can't tell the difference
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 23:18, closed)